Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my surgeon was giving me the lowdown of what was going to happen on the operating table. I was anxious enough without him saying stuff like "cut you open", "quite a bit of blood" and "it's all quite risky." That's all I remember before fainting. My wife won't stop mocking me for it. FML
Today, I heard my surgeon mutter to a nurse how easy it would be to kill me on the operating table and make it look like an accident. FML
Today, I went in for surgery. All my life, my biggest fear has been that the anesthesia would paralyze me, but not actually put me to sleep. The doctors assured me the chances of that are almost none. You can probably guess how my surgery went. FML
Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML
Today, I asked my surgeon if I would be having a general or local anesthetic at my upcoming operation. He replied, "General, of course! It's gonna be a slaughterhouse in there!" FML
Today, I was told by a doctor that I have a fatal disease, and that I should start making preparations for when I pass away. Then, another doctor showed up, panicking, and said that was meant for someone else with the same first name as me. The mini-heart attack I had at that moment almost killed me anyway. FML
Today, I was operating on a young girl, when she began to awaken during the surgery. We quickly put her back under, of course, but now I'm terrified that she'll remember my profuse cursing and get me in the shit with my curmudgeonly killjoy of a boss. FML
Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. Apparently the medicines don't work on me. I woke up in the middle of the surgery and felt EVERYTHING. One of the nurses asked if I was okay, and the doctor just kept saying "Don't worry she's just dreaming", while tears were pouring down my face. FML
Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML
Today, after months of being told I have pneumonia by different doctors, I decided to go to another hospital with better staff. There I learned that I will actually need to have open heart surgery to replace two valves in my heart. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
It's like I always say, prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Then again, hope is not a very good diagnostic or therapeutic tool.
tencentsakiss 19
This sucks, but they have to be honest with you about the risk.
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Comments (93)
nursetonks 3
That's standard procedure though. I mean if he said "this is easy peasy, you will breeze through" and something happened it's a lawsuit and malpractice strike on the doc
worldclassrager 41
Well either they tell you or put it in the permission slip to go through it...either way you had to see/hear it...
res4090 8
That information sounds heart-stopping-ly scary
obviousboy 8
Somehow I doubt you were engaging in healthy life activities such as eating a balanced diet and getting in regular exercise, so you deserve this on multiple levels.
DocBastard 40
Well aren't you just a lovely, empathetic person. Oh, and you're also an idiot since you clearly have no idea that high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and heart disease all have a genetic basis. Any other stupid things to say, or are you all done?
obviousboy 8
This reminds me of that picture where they have the morbidly obese woman and it says, "welcome to the Bible Belt, where being obese is genetic and homosexuality is a choice." If it's genetic, then you have to work harder. Either way, people who take care of themselves don't need heart bypasses.
DocBastard 40
You really, honestly, truly don't have a clue. It's really sad. You can be the healthiest person in the world, eat right, exercise, get plenty of sleep, take vitamins, and still die of a heart attack. There's a reason heart disease is the #1 cause of death worldwide - because no matter how hard you try, if it wants you, it will take you. Now please do yourself a favour and stop.
obviousboy 8
I don't have much more time to waste on you, so I'm going to make this simple. Do you think there's a higher incidence of heart disease in the marathoner community or in people who are sedentary. You mentioning a marathon runner who had a bypass is an example of anecdotal evidence. Remembering all the hits and forgetting all the misses is a very human thing to do because we're pattern seekers.
DocBastard 40
Your username is strangely appropriate. Feel free not to waste any more time on me, because I'm obviously the idiot here who knows nothing about physiology, anatomy, pathology, and hemodynamics. You obviously are a well-read and intelligent expert in this field. Your prowess is unparalleled.
epilepticloh 20
Lol that sucks I had the same thing today to lol for my valve replacement in my heart
rebel501 4
Good luck!
Ray_of_midnight 23
Add my voice to those wishing you good luck. Hopefully your next FML is something that's only mildly embarrassing.
angiodave 6
Since docbastard is taken, and doccunt seems very inappropriate, let's try "Docgina", or perhaps "Doclabia"....or better yet(drum roll) "Doclitoris"!!! Ding ding ding--I think we have a Weiner!!
MidnaLink 35
I would lol at the username, but it's past midnight and I don't wanna wake the neighborhood.
Ziggy122 15
During the consultation for my wisdom tooth removal, the words "cardiac arrest" were uttered. I damn near shat my pants. I know they have to tell you everything that could possibly happen even if it's extremely rare for liability reasons, but I feel ya. It's scary as ****. Best wishes, internet stranger!