jennabeigh

Pet detective

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

Today, I was woken up by my own fart. FML

Monday morning blues

Today, I set my alarm half-an-hour earlier so I could masturbate. That's how horny and single I am. FML