Today, I'm having heart surgery. The doc came in, donut in one hand and papers in another. While I was filling them out, his hands kept trembling, and he dropped the donut on the floor. He fumbled to pick it up and kept eating. The guy I'm entrusting my life to doesn't even respect the five-second rule. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I got in trouble with my doctor for eating too soon after surgery. Why was I eating? Because the nurses brought me food, which apparently I should've known not to eat. FML
Today, my husband came home from the hospital after having 6 gangrenous toes amputated because he hasn't been treating his diabetes properly. Not half an hour after he got home, I caught him sneaking sweets from a hiding place in his toolbox. He's already lost the bag with his medication in it. Again. FML
Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML
Today, I took my friend to the emergency room because he was having heart problems. The doctors recognized him, and one of them had something to say: "Charles, can you not wait until you're practically dying to seek medical treatment?" This is gonna be a long day. FML
Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML
Today, I was waiting in a doctor's office when I was approached by an elderly woman. She told me all about the ripping of her stitches in a very private place, in exhaustive detail. Of course, today was the day my doctor chose to be an hour late. FML
Today, I got surgery on one of my hands. I opted for a local anesthetic instead of being put all the way under. I soon discovered my hand hadn't gone completely numb when the doctor started slicing into the finger that needed operating on. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML
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Top comments
thundergirl_fml 2
I'd be more concerned about his trembling hands considering you're having heart surgery...
torio123 27
#70, yes. You're the only one.
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Comments (156)
thundergirl_fml 2
I'd be more concerned about his trembling hands considering you're having heart surgery...
greenmen 12
Don't worry you probably already have a donut in your heart by the time you read this
MrBrightside21 20
Wow. It seems like you don't even care about OP having heart surgery. Have a heart, #22.
flamegrilled123 3
Am I the only one wondering what heart sugery is?
torio123 27
#70, yes. You're the only one.
hockeyoceancity 13
70- Don't be such a grammar nazi... You know what it was meant to say.
kay71095 9
Umm.. Why are you on FML when you're getting heart surgery? Just wondering
MagicGiraffe 12
He probably is just the leader of the operation and may not even lay a finger on you.
eXangelice 15
In my experience, many older cardiac surgeons have a familial tremor... The heart really isn't as delicate as many people think. I have seen some impressive tremors, but have yet to see an operation turn out badly because of them.
LN666 2
dont be too stressed about the tremour. I work with doctors & they are some of THE best surgeons. Im sorry to hear you are having/had heart surgery. best of luck!
iilovecokee 6
How does that help OP? They're not his surgeons.
ticklmypickl 0
It takes around thirty seconds for any bacteria to transfer. Chill.
Trix_Disorder 20
Actually, it takes less than a second. Anyone who's taken a Biology course (or has common sense) would know that. The five second rule is baloney.
boycrazy30007 12
Totally agree. Bacteria transfers instantaneously. In thirty seconds it would have spread over the entire donut and more
muzy 23
10- not quite but it's true that the 5 second rule is very misleading.
Rsonicgamer_fml 6
You realize that any bacteria that would "transfer" to the doughnut would already be on you anyway because you touch the floor every second? So, isn't this debate quite pointless?
hotforkegger 4
You're an idiot
tj4234 36
not unless you walk around on all fours.
larouche362 10
Dumby the OP doesnt care for the donut trembling hands mean theres might be some mistakes.
TheBean27 3
You have to be incredibly stupid to believe that, bacteria is transferred the second it touvhes the ground.
OMFGLOLWTF 0
They tried this on Mythbusters. And concluded that Bacteria transfers on contact, and multiply with rapid rate.
johngaltmovement 8
But we breath bacteria and germs in the air so our immune system should protect us.
ladyLALAA 29
I saw a show that said dropping moist ingredients bacteria transfers in under 1 second, dry ingredients three and under. Not sure how correct but what if it was a tim tam!
tomiller64 0
You need to retake Highschool biology my friend
t765234 10
I think this reply chain lowered my IQ by a few points, damn morons.
DocBastard 40
The 5-second rule is a myth and nothing more. Bacteria transfer on contact. Full stop. johngaltmovement - The bacteria in your mouth are different than the ones on the floor that can make you sick. You do have gut immunity (google "secretory IgA") which protects you somewhat, but not against everything.
anythingmustbe 18
They did research recently and found out the dangerous ones which your body cant fight against takes around 5 seconds so it is true in some sense
xenomsftw 19
Not true, bacteria can transfer the... (cant fond a fraction of a second long enough...) as soon as the doughnut hit the ground. :D
tylahgrace 12
yeah and Mythbusters proved it, for all you non biology people
22cute 17
True transfer is instantaneous and true bacteria is everywhere. But a hearty immune system is improved by the occasional bacteria challenge. :) Eat it anyway!
capslockisgood 19
119 Yes, how convenient for us that the deadly bacteria are also the physically handicapped bacteria.
comment11111 39
Yeah, imagine this: Bacteria 1: "Don´t hop on that bagel, it has not been on the ground for 5 seconds, yet!" Bacteria 2: "Yeah, sure. I´ll wait 2 seconds..."
stormchaser24 24
I doubt it is the same doctor. The hands would worry me more. Floors at docs office are clean. Lol
aleeshttylXD 9
what did floors being clean have to do with anything?
Mauskau 36
Shoes aren't clean.
nabee26 15
Actually the floors at doctor's offices are NOT clean. They are covered with germs and bacteria and who knows what else! Gross!
jessica051085 5
medical facility floors are likely more dangerously dirty due to the disproportionate number of seriously ill people that are on them... Bacteria and viruses don't crawl onto dropped food, they are transferred immediately upon contact... , not 30 seconds or even 5 seconds, instantly
OhDearBetrayal 25
Maybe he's doing it on purpose because he finds enjoyment in other peoples fears?
blcksocks 19
Yeah, because scaring the crap out of someone who already has a weak heart is a very wise thing for a doc to do right?
bkj92 5
Reminds me something that House would do off the TV show lmao
Mademoiselle_fml 34
I actually wouldn't be surprised; some people have a very sick sense of humor...
2oc 5
Watch out for Junior Mints during the operation. I don't know how many will get that seinfeld reference :
Irishgypsy 2
Fantastic episode. Kramer kills me
42istheanswer 27
6- I think you forgot half of the happy face at the end of your comment. :)
2oc 5
It was a : face but yeah, the 20% warning popped up as i went to hit send. Im surprizsed i did that well trying to type on an ipod
2oc 5
Wow the mouth didnt show up again, its not me its the ipod sabotaging me
instnt1nfction 17
First, they will eliminate our parenthesis, then the human race.
42istheanswer 27
Revenge of the apple products RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!
perdix 31
Count me in that number, except I never knew why that surgeon was also the Assman. I didn't think proctologists did surgery.
l2ebecca 4
Get a new doctor. Don't let someone operate on you that you don't trust.
Zedd_fml 8
Since when there is a "five second rule" ,IT'S A HOSPITAL!!
thiscrazything 1
Exactly, filled with sick people and germs like staff and MRSA.
kut17 11
*drops scalpel, blows off germs*
jesustitts 20
Drops heart, oops five second rule. Blows off the dirt and tries to wipe off the hairs. Eh, whatever, *puts it back.*
I_lost_the_game 25
74- Ew.
perdix 31
A heart surgeon that eats donuts at work, has trembling hands and eats shit off the floor? You'd be better off using happy thoughts or acupuncture to fix your bad ticker than having this clown crack you open.
Trisha_aus 15
DocBastard doesn't like doughnuts..does he?
perdix 31
It's not just that the doctor likes donuts -- it's just the sheer bad taste of eating them in front of a patient who likely is there because of eating too many donuts.
jellycorn 13
Wonder how well the happy thoughts remedy will work?
lenluigi 6
sure he wasn't an undercover cop?
Shrike 24
LOL. I usually hate those cop jokes, but that one was pretty good. xP
StzaCrack666 18
beat me to the joke
ifuckmonsters 5
Using a discount surgeon?