Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML
Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML
Witty, but still…
Today, I helped my neighbor carry her groceries upstairs. One egg carton slipped from my hand and exploded in the sink. She stared at the mess, then at me, and said, “That's my omelet down the drain.” FML
Breakfast of champions
Today, my mom had me and my little brother make pancakes for breakfast. I had to let the dog out of the house to go do his business, so I had my little brother wait there and told him not to touch anything. I came back 5 minutes later, and there were cracked eggs in the almost-done batter. FML
Eggs
Today, while eating breakfast with my family, I asked my mother if there was any more scrambled eggs in the skillet because I really felt like having some more. She got mad at me because she thought I'd asked in a sarcastic manner. I wasn't joking. FML
Breakfast time!
Today, I decided to make an almighty breakfast of fried eggs and bacon. I couldn't find anything to flip the eggs with so I used a red spatula that my sister handed me. As I was finishing a delicious fry up, my mom came downstairs and asked me why the cat litter scoop was resting in the frying pan. FML
That homely smell
Today, my mother had just got home and we were both in the kitchen. She then starts to get out food and I smelled deviled eggs. Delighted, I asked, "Do I smell deviled eggs?" She turned around laughing and announced she'd farted. I effectively got hungry from my mother’s fart. FML
There's no such thing as a coincidence
Today, I cracked an egg with a disgusting rotten black yolk into the pan, ruining my almost done breakfast. Last time this happened, just coincidentally, two deaths in the family and a near deadly mental breakdown followed. Now eggs seem too gross to eat, and I’m afraid this time was another bad omen. FML
Sabotage!
Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML
No yolk
Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML
Top comments
FYLDeep 26
Then you've only got one shot to get her right in the face with it. No pressure.
Angel_Vice 0
Your mom is awesome.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (164)
Angel_Vice 0
Your mom is awesome.
jrsgreenfire257 0
She turned all the fire alarms too^_^
iIixoxiIi 0
are u sure that it was your mom not your little brother? O.o
cloudy01 0
other fml reference win^^
YakuzaxGeneralz 9
his moms a thug
techweed 12
#69 I love your profile Peace Be Upon Him لا الة الا اللة
daaron 3
that's so cute
Toast_yumm 0
agreed
josh55 1
your mons pretty gangster
stolencookie 17
FYL for everyone rooting for your mom. Hahaha
Alleged_Cranium 7
Mom=Weirdo
YouCanHaveACoke 0
Agreed. What's with all these immature parents on FML? It's one thing to be funny/goofy/spontaneous, but cracking an egg on your kid's head? Eh.
brettrb 18
hah its just a joke. how about WASH IT OUTT??? haha. we americans jst hate all that extra work i guess. people used to use egg as conditioner it makes it shiny haha
nikki898 0
omg! your going to die, you didn't have your scrambled eggs!
YouCanHaveACoke 0
I get that it's just a joke, and it doesn't have anything with being lazy. Sometimes, having an egg cracked over your head can ruin a relatively good morning. It would really suck if OP was dressed for work! I'm just saying there are better and less immature goofy things parents can do.
FYLDeep 26
Then you've only got one shot to get her right in the face with it. No pressure.
rjnorton84 0
Double agree. Get her on the forehead and you will be bi-winning.
CommonSenseKarma 17
Or shove it up your ass and be bisexual.
T3P33_fml 0
if you can shove an egg up your butt without braking it, you must have the hell of an anus!
isuckwithnames 22
Triple win if it's on her way to work
b1ondiee 0
lol . sucks no eggs for you , but it was kina funny
68hk 0
at least it wasn't her dead eggs.
Tcaret300 12
Oh...
Tcaret300 12
How sure are you about that
ImmortalKratos 0
idk makes sense since there were only two....hmmm
jake12221212121 4
The door is this way.
snewo 0
Still better than AIDS
Mirorbo 27
Sounds like your mother-dear had a certain salad for breakfast.
atthegates 0
a nice tossed salad....I heard she prefers syrup
j300zx 0
I would have said "technically you have 3 if you were a man." :D
j300zx 0
Way to google copy and paste pendatik. I believe you have no huevos for writing that long boring essay of yours. :D
allmidnighteyes 11
Did you just call a paragraph of text an essay? Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the simple-minded j300zx: the self-appointed representative of the populace of FML's degenerate class.
fthku 13
Well, if he said the joke in hebrew it would make sense! OP, your mom sounds as mature as a 5 year old.
rallets 23
when you type way too much on the internet, whether its a paragraph or more.. its still an essay
rallets 23
not really, im just saying why bother typing out all that for someone who doesnt care? its just the internet, typing in proper grammær doesnt mean anything, regardless of what others may think. and i didnt get lost ;D
rallets 23
lmfao my comments arent stupid. the fact that youre trying to prove yourself better than anyone else because you use grammær is whats stupid. and if youre gonna talk about that, is "stupidest" even a word? just checkin' and i could care less if you give a "toss" about me. just dont do it to my salad :/
rallets 23
i agree #42, everything is always taken seriously here who wouldve thought that about a humor site?
creamcheese724 0
pendatik is gay *joke*
j300zx 0
All this over a pair of eggs. I never knew eggs could cause so much chaos. Hummm....Testies have great power.
ReynshineCutting 10
I agree that people should try to use mostly proper grammar on the Internet because if they get into the habit of using bad grammar or txt speak, it 1) just makes you look stupid and 2) translates to other areas of your life (professional emails, exams, resumes, college papers, etc) without you even realizing it, which again, makes you look stupid.
nofatchicks90 0
shut up already
rallets 23
hey, i may be a ******, but im not stupid ;D and i dont have an inferiority complex, or any kind for that matter. youre the one who might think youre superior than everyone else. i think you might be the one with some kind of complex. perhaps a chill pill would relax you? a hug? whether or not i write in proper sentence structure on some website doesnt determine what kind of person i am. idk how you can just try to insult me when i never did it to you or anyone else who feels like its their job to patrol how someone should write something. i also dont know how you can just try to judge how smart i am based on some comments i post on the internet. i just want to know if you grammar nazis are like this in real life? do you correct those around you to their face? do you dare? or are you just only tough when you have a keyboard in front you and far away from us? ^ tl;dr :P
MissBunny25 0
oh, please stop with the raging paragraph comments, already. no one reads them, anyways. your attempt to show off your intellect is a fail. just stop now, you prideful people.
rallets 23
^ thats what im trying to prove #102 :)
Sinkhole 26
C'mon, just because you don't read the comments, it doesn't mean that no one else does. I prefer the long comments than the short "lmao ur dumb" ones. If you don't want to read the long comments, then don't read them, move on and don't complain about it, your complaints are more annoying than the length of the comments.
rallets 23
those long essay comments are criticizing the short witty comments, thats why we say something back if they would just leave it alone first, nothing would happen but they try to put their opinion where it was never asked
Sinkhole 26
We all put our opinions where they're not asked, that's why there's a reply function for every comment. The comment about the eggs wasn't even witty anyway. What's so difficult about skipping the long comments? I skip the short and stupid comments and I don't complain about them.
MrsLender_fml 3
It was a joke! In other countries, the slang for "testicles" is "eggs." I'm Spanish and they call them "huevos", which means eggs and by the fact that he used the word huevos, I'm going to assume that he got it from there.
rallets 23
well thats cause theyre not complaining about you. but whenever someone posts a funny comment, it always gets moderated and/or someone throws a bitch-fit over how it was written. and i see it irked you that i said it was a witty comment ;D nice and you cant just skip over those comments so easily when they take up the entire page -_- the reply function isnt so you can just criticize what was written tho
Sinkhole 26
MrsLender, my first language is Spanish too, I know that the slang for testicles is 'huevos', and I didn't find it funny. If j300zx got the idea from there, it doesn't matter, 'cause the comments here are written in English. Maybe he should have done that joke in the Spanish website then. Rallets, the moderated comments are usually offensive, not everyone finds offensive comments funny. You know, the comments of the people complaining take up the entire page as well. It didn't irk me that you said it was a witty comment, I was just sharing my unasked opinion.
MissBunny25 0
gotta say I agree with rallets on this one.. but lets all get off each other's case and go to our neutral corners , shall we? have a nice day everyone :)
MissBunny25 0
and sinkhole, stop being a douche to everyone on the thread.
rallets 23
so youre saying spanish isnt allowed here? you dont happen to live in Arizona, do you? o_O lol jk looks like its still irking you if you still talk about it, just sayin' and thanx MissBunny :D sinkhole, stop being a douche, period.
Sinkhole 26
I'm being a douche? That's funny, I haven't even insulted anyone. Do you get offended by good grammar? That's the only thing I see in my comments that could offend you. It's either that, or both of you are too damn sensitive. Of course Spanish isn't allowed here, the comments written in other languages are moderated.
rallets 23
por que?
hannahninjalady 0
hahah that is awsome!!
SAgirl 23
guess your mom forgot to take her meds that morning?