Today, my husband pathetically tried to convince me that his “friend” has his Facebook password, and “hacks” into his account to message another woman using his profile. The dick picture he sent her by text message? His “friend” has his iCloud password and “hacked” it, and sent it himself. Right. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out my husband has been talking to another woman on Facebook. His only defense was, "I thought I deleted the messages." FML
Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML
Today, my husband sent me a dick pic, then sent a follow up text saying, “Sorry, not meant for you, delete pls”, followed by, “Ignore that, obviously it was meant for you. Love you.” If he’s sending pics to other women, I’m gonna spread his cheeks and jam every golf ball he owns up there. FML
Today, I saw my husband’s Instagram story of a young lady captioned, “How did I get so lucky?” I took a screenshot of it and sent it to him. His only defense was, “Oh fuck, I meant to post that to my Close Friends! It’s not what it looks like!” He's called me 14 times and has left 6 voicemails of him sobbing to not leave him. FML
Today, my husband woke me up by sending me a picture of a guy I used to semi-see. The same night my boyfriend sent me a furious text asking why I didn’t tell him I’m married, because my husband has found his Instagram and was harassing him online. Like, leave me alone. FML
Today, I saw in my browser history a profile from one of those "Facebook of sex" websites. Turns out that my boyfriend has been posting naked pictures of himself on there using my laptop and flirting with teenage girls. His excuse? "I have friends on there." FML
Today, a friend showed me my husband's online dating profile, which includes photos of him with our kids. FML
Today, I caught my husband once again looking at half naked pictures of a friend of mine on Facebook. When I asked why he did it, he said "I was checking to see if they were still there." FML
Today, my friend told me men can't be trusted. I told her that wasn't true; I have my husband's password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months. FML
Today, I found out that my husband thinks it's okay to have an online girlfriend and have naked pictures sent to his email, because he's not "physically touching, making love, or kissing." The sad part is that the online girlfriend gets more action than me. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Maybe you ought to "hack" his dick, Lorena Bobbitt-style.
poopface82 25
I see he tried to employ the Shaggy defense. “It wasn’t me.” At least he didn’t employ the Chewbacca defense.
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Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
Maybe you ought to "hack" his dick, Lorena Bobbitt-style.
poopface82 25
I see he tried to employ the Shaggy defense. “It wasn’t me.” At least he didn’t employ the Chewbacca defense.
RichardPencil 32
Or the Urkel Defense -- did I do that?
BurnInDemonFire 39
So this child is blaming another child for his silly "pranks"? Isn't this typical of kids? What? It's a grown-ass man? And you married him? Might I suggest getting a divorce?