Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while eating dinner, my child picked up a piece of their chicken off the floor and put it in their mouth. It wasn’t until during bath time did I realize it wasn't chicken but poop that fell out of their diaper. FML
Today, my five year-old son was sick with a stomach bug. He didn't want to leave my side, so I grabbed a bowl from the kitchen for him to puke into. The thing is, it was dark in the kitchen and I accidentally grabbed a strainer. My new outfit is now ruined. FML
Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML
Today, my 1-year-old son walked up to me with a disgusted look on his face. I could tell he had something in his mouth so I pulled it out. He'd been sucking on a piece of cat poop. FML
Today, while I was babysitting, the toddler was feeding me banana slices from her tray while I was cutting up clay for her to mold. It was all fine until she shoved something hard and crunchy into my mouth. I immediately spat it out into my hand. It was a dead cricket she found on the floor. FML
Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML
Today, my 3-year-old came to me very excited because he had gone to the bathroom by himself for the first time. What he did not tell me was that he had shit on the floor, and when I went into the bathroom to check, I slipped on a turd and knocked myself out on the sink. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son put into practice the lesson I taught him yesterday, about how to use a larger piece of Play-Doh to pick up smaller bits. Unfortunately, he used this method to pick up a small bit of poo from his pants with a larger bit of poo direct from the toilet. I was an hour late for work. FML
Today, my mother had to take a stool sample because she has been ill for several days. Curious, I eventually had to ask, "How did you intercept the poo before it got submerged in water?" She yelled from the other room, "You know that little plate with the red stripe?" I was eating off it. FML
Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
At least he didn't flush it down because then you would have to call a plumber.
herop 0
Poor plum, poor mom
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Comments (113)
iBilal 0
we don't care if your son is eating a plum
RainbowHeadache 2
YDI for not letting him finish telling you why it was wet but you have a decent kid if he doesn't eat pee plums. My little cousin licks things off the concrete & probably would have just eaten that plum without washing it, so I say your kid is off to a good start.
mythicafairy 2
Well i have a similar story but they rejected mine and basically my son came to me with his drink bottle asking for a drink yes being the lazy biatch of a mum i am i shook it and said whats wrong with this and took a swig just as it passes my throat my son goes ewww mum thats my pee!!!!! UPSIDE apparently urine is good to keep away cancer......
BallsFace 0
What?
aFatFuck 0
God dammit the FML moderators always shut down good discussions! Did you not want to see KaySL rip some new a holes?!? Just when it's getting good they shut it down, can a mod explain to me why, every site will have profanity, I just think seeing the arguments are interesting. Sorry, this was supposed to go on the previous FML but they shut it down :/
amritsidhu6 0
well ain't that a shitty situation
dogpup4 23
I laughed hard at "My plum is wet"..
LilysTillie 7
Maybe next time trust your kid & just clean off the plum....
jaff23 11
People never listen to kids.
clockburrito 6
This FML is better when you read it with an English accent.
Cheesecakee 11
Well that sucks...i guess you should have listened ?