Today, my son said his first word, which was, "Fuck". He got it from my great aunt, who my wife was skeptical of our son meeting because she "says too many bad words". Sorry, Honey. FML
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Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
Today, my husband, who is in the Navy, had a couple of his sailor friends over to hang out. The stereotype about their swearing is true. My two year old now won't stop saying "Fuck." FML
Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML
Today, my son said his first word. It was the N-word. We are white. I need to have a talk with my husband immediately. FML
Today, my two year old girl said "motherfucker". Everyone laughed, even her grandparents. Our family is insane. FML
Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML
Today, I was babysitting with my best friend, watching my one-year-old cousin. We thought it would be funny to say a bunch of swear words in front of him, since he didn't know how to talk. Five minutes later, guess what his first word was? And guess who won't be invited over for a while? FML
Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML
Today, I was babysitting a little boy for the first time. He kept using all sorts of profanity toward me the whole evening, so I told his mom when she picked him up. She just grunted and muttered, "Fucking cunt-ass snitch." FML
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Top comments
Tripartita 45
Whoa, before blaming my aunt, I'd rule out any non-native English speakers who inquire about FAQs!
Welshite 40
Wow. You should be proud of your son! All I can manage is a stuttering gurgle when I try to pronounce "*".
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Comments (35)
kristinjeaneen 21
Lmao I'm just like that aunt. I either speak really carefully around my friends' kids or just don't end up meeting them at all.
frogz 9
She didn't want the son to meet family because of measly, little, harmless words?
Soparot 29
If he is at the age where he's just starting to talk, it is very possible he is saying something else that just sounds extremely similar. I had a similar situation with my little brother, where every time he said "thank you" it sounded like he was cursing people out. Kids that age tend to say things that sound bad that when they mean something entirely different.
Core5555 9
My first word was Shit. You'll both live.
J352SAURUS 30
Not that anyone cares, but my first word was "airplane"!
ljennette25 12
My son's first word was shit too. And I know that is what he said, because we were at McDonald's and I spilled a drink and said shit, then he repeated it, over and over again
kaellas 1
I'm going to be that great aunt.
TheNewGuy03 29
I wish that was my first word.
babs22291 15
My daughters first words literally said it back to back was Apple iPhone.....
missymaster 16
Why protect kids from swears? They're just words and they are going to hear them and learn them no matter how much you try to avoid them. Your best bet is to teach your children that those are adult words and you are only allowed to say them when you are responsible enough to use them appropriately. That's what I did, I can swear my ******* face off but my kids will not repeat a single one.
CrusherKitty 17
At least you'll have a funny story to tell in the future about your son's first word. Eventually it will become more funny than anything, I'm sure.
waleedma 18
Way to go with his vocabulary