Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML
Today, after explaining to my two year old that we were going bra shopping, he decided to announce to the entire bank that we were going to buy Mommy some boobies. FML
Today, in the middle of the supermarket, my 7 year old son asked me what a cocksucker is and why his mum always calls me that. FML
Today, my 12-year-old son played QWOP on my laptop. Half an hour later, he virtually destroyed it in a fit of rage. FML
Today, I came home to find my 25 year old boyfriend laughing hysterically at his laptop while he made Microsoft Sam say "feces", "penis", and "diarrhea". FML
Today, I took my 4 year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed, "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex." FML
Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML
Today, my son got expelled after using the photocopier to photocopy his penis. He then used the copies to replace every directional arrow posted throughout the school. FML
Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
marcmaralou 15
once you get older, scientific and graphing calculators don't allow you to do this :(
colton_colton 50
He's the future of this world
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (61)
XBurytheCastleX 25
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I'm sure he'll surprise you and grow up to be intelligent.
marcmaralou 15
once you get older, scientific and graphing calculators don't allow you to do this :(
marcmaralou 15
actually, I take that back, you can literally type boobies on a graphing calculator
derp_taco 22
Yay
DraconicFeline 31
Yeah, but where's the fun in that?
lkreykes 14
yeah upside down boobies are the best
TigranPetrosian 8
you can use hexadecimal
AzrielB 8
Most graphing calculators have a letter mode which allows you to write whatever your heart desires. OP should just get their son a Ti-83
colton_colton 50
He's the future of this world
HyunnK 18
Making it possible to spell **** on a calculator upside down.
anonpbc 20
next generation genius
Driving_Gaming 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Like father, like son.
toaster87 19
Question is how old is he...?
TrustStolen 16
why would you show him to spell it in the first place
Joestarry 8
Because he's a good father
tzemmy 25
#39 what the **** is your profile picture??
tykatdesigns 13
Well honey you started it
HeWillBeLoved105 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You wish your sperm had a warranty over something so small? Some parent you are.
lolcat97 28
OP wasn't serious, parents say things like that. Mine said they would sell me online or return me to the hospital, I laughed at that. I didn't find it offensive.
SMHsohard 22
Hell, I've been telling my daughter for years that the only reason I had her was to fetch and carry for me. Parents say shit like this all the time. I'm kidding, she knows I'm kidding, it's a family joke. Nothing to get butt hurt over.
HeWillBeLoved105 22
Clearly you guys can't take a joke either, because I wasn't being serious? My family would always tell me that shit.
Jinxsie 27
Well, I've read your comments on almost every FML. You're not exactly one of the most supportive people on here.
shutupshane12 12
Bad attempt at recovery #19
HeWillBeLoved105 22
I'm actually pretty supportive. I just don't support morons, creeper.
SMHsohard 22
Olympic Backpedal FTW 19!!
Johnnycake23 42
Maybe he was trying to type it out to start his outing to you