Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML
Today, not only is my son a bully, but he's dumb enough to bully a kid whose parents both do martial arts. His mom is a cage fighter and his step-dad is a kickboxer. They're both huge, terrifying, and pissed off. FML
Today, I let my estranged husband move back in with my son and me. Later, his pregnant and underage girlfriend knocked on my door, crying about how her mom kicked her out. I'm such a pushover, they're in my bed and I'm on the couch. FML
Today, I found out why my son has been working out and taking martial arts classes. It was so he could beat his stepbrother up and put him in the hospital, as revenge for stealing his secret cash supply, over £4000. I'm too old and too tired for this. FML
Today, I got home to my son with a bruised face and my daughter locked in her room. Apparently, when she got home from work, her unemployed brother asked her when she was going to cook dinner, so she punched him in the head. He’s so entitled that he actually thought he’d get sympathy from me. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
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Top comments
MrConfusion 21
More like F the professors life! Your son is an asshole!
sempisaviour 17
There should really be an option saying "he deserved it."
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Comments (41)
reaxion 25
Well at least his housing problem is temporarily solved... Serves him right!
Claire__Kennedy 20
Karmas a bitch ~_(•_•)_/~
chosha_fml 27
So the housing issues come from him being a criminal?
metalwolf 17
I am adding to the "be happy he is in the hospital" list. If he broke into my house in the middle of the night, he would be leaving with a few hollow points included.
rubysgonbfamous 12
I think your son may have a serious drug problem. you might want to look into that!
ww431 15
Maybe time for a few little rules, such as not breaking into peoples houses.. :)
suznmar 16
Sounds like he's not going to have housing issues for awhile... Room and board are free in prison
jvanevery 19
it sounds like your boy has more than just housing issues
repKyle95 24
Sounds like you've got a defective son, you might wanna have him neutered to prevent future problems.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Your son should be lucky he went straight to the hospital and not to the morgue, this sort of thing is exactly how some people get killed. Let's hope he gets taken to prison after he leaves the hospital.