Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML
Today, not only is my son a bully, but he's dumb enough to bully a kid whose parents both do martial arts. His mom is a cage fighter and his step-dad is a kickboxer. They're both huge, terrifying, and pissed off. FML
Today, I let my estranged husband move back in with my son and me. Later, his pregnant and underage girlfriend knocked on my door, crying about how her mom kicked her out. I'm such a pushover, they're in my bed and I'm on the couch. FML
Today, I found out why my son has been working out and taking martial arts classes. It was so he could beat his stepbrother up and put him in the hospital, as revenge for stealing his secret cash supply, over £4000. I'm too old and too tired for this. FML
Today, I got home to my son with a bruised face and my daughter locked in her room. Apparently, when she got home from work, her unemployed brother asked her when she was going to cook dinner, so she punched him in the head. He’s so entitled that he actually thought he’d get sympathy from me. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
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Top comments
MrConfusion 21
More like F the professors life! Your son is an asshole!
sempisaviour 17
There should really be an option saying "he deserved it."
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Comments (41)
NYGiants1925 22
You're son entirely deserved that ass kicking.
expertsmilee 26
He is not son
ABlindMan 17
But then who was phone?
SkullHQ 27
Sounds like he's having a bit more than housing troubles. Good luck, OP.
kaylocca 20
Don't judge a book by its cover. People always think nerdy looking people are weak, quickest way to get your ass kicked.
Axel5238 29
1 thing most don't know when it comes to something like muttai kick boxers in thailand most don't way over 140lbs but are pure muscle and very tough. Granted being big can intimidate people, but skinny people can be ripped and in excellent shape.
SpartanMerc 18
The better BJJ fighters are skinny and flexible, it's very misleading.
Garrett2818 21
Just a heads up 17 it Muay Thai
the_real_dvd 21
Your son learned a lesson that it sounds like he needed.
VikingLynne 18
Professor in asskicking. Did your son have to pay for the lesson afterwards?
davek 36
You don't deserve it. Your son does though.
slavka012 11
I love the phrases like 'has housing issues'. PC all the way. Why don't you just plainly say that he has nowhere to live? His issues are not housing, his issue, among many, apparently, is being thieving bastard
Algorithm 24
Or a pipe broke and flooded his apartment. We don't know, but it's not that deep and not worth getting on a soapbox about.
Colon_Man 17
Ah, yes. The upstanding Doctor O. P. Son was enjoying his fifth vacation to the Bahamas this year when a pipe broke in his quarter million dollar apartment. So he went to stay with his dad and broke into another person's house... Your algorithm doesn't compute.
SilverInGray 25
Except it doesn't say anything like that. Plenty of thieves also have apartments/houses. Do you think all thieves are homeless?
slavka012 11
#27. Really, pipe broke? So he moved to his mom's and tried to rob her neighbor? Flawless logic.
Fairyjoshy 13
Well, if he can't live in his house, then I guess he can live in his mother's house. And he figured that he might as well try to steal something before he moved back, perhaps. But seriously, you, Mr. 25 sound very oversensitive. Chill out. No need to get so petty over what words were chosen.
Dexter83_fml 17
Sorry OP but your son is a ********. Why would he break into someone's house. He deserved it.... Little shit
igg125 30
Good thing he was an MMA fighter and not a dude who has a dew guns.
SpartanMerc 18
I'm an MMA fighter and my home has two pistols and a 12 gauge, plus my roommates pistol, and his 20 and 12 gauge...
irishmaiden78 23
Same with my bf on top of three well trained dogs. The audacity of this kid is astounding and he seriously needs to get his butt kicked on a regular basis by the sound of it.
Goblin182 27
Hopefully after the hospital his next stop is jail.