Today, my son is having housing issues, so I let him stay at my place for a while. Today, he found out that the quiet, dorky-looking professor who lives next door is an MMA fighter. He tried to break into the guy's house in the middle of the night and is now in the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
Today, some muscle-head showed up at my house and started beating on me. Turned out my son had been posing online as a Navy SEAL, using a picture of me, and had dared this guy to come over and fight him. FML
Today, I accidentally walked in on my roommate while she was changing clothes. She insisted on telling her boyfriend what had happened, because, "It wouldn't feel right" if she didn't. Her boyfriend is a MMA fighter/bodybuilder and has major jealousy issues. I'm screwed. FML
Today, not only is my son a bully, but he's dumb enough to bully a kid whose parents both do martial arts. His mom is a cage fighter and his step-dad is a kickboxer. They're both huge, terrifying, and pissed off. FML
Today, I let my estranged husband move back in with my son and me. Later, his pregnant and underage girlfriend knocked on my door, crying about how her mom kicked her out. I'm such a pushover, they're in my bed and I'm on the couch. FML
Today, I found out why my son has been working out and taking martial arts classes. It was so he could beat his stepbrother up and put him in the hospital, as revenge for stealing his secret cash supply, over £4000. I'm too old and too tired for this. FML
Today, I got home to my son with a bruised face and my daughter locked in her room. Apparently, when she got home from work, her unemployed brother asked her when she was going to cook dinner, so she punched him in the head. He’s so entitled that he actually thought he’d get sympathy from me. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I knew his parents wouldn't be there. Later, I woke up in a hospital bed because his sister thought I was a burglar and tased me. FML
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Top comments
MrConfusion 21
More like F the professors life! Your son is an asshole!
sempisaviour 17
There should really be an option saying "he deserved it."
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Comments (41)
kalbrek009 20
Sounds like your "son" is lucky to just end up in the hospital instead of jail or dead...was he trying to get himself arrested to solve his "housing issues", cause he sounds like he's into criminal stuff & deserves incarceration rather than just beat up
8313girl 28
Yeah I was thinking the same thing. This fml escalated very quickly. His son deserves to be in jail. Hope that neighbor pressed charges.
BuckNekkid 22
your son is have housing issues? not now, jail should suit him just fine.
BearGerhart 8
OP, you may want to stress to your son that he might have got off lucky. Where I'm from, there's a gun in most households and intruders don't leave breathing. This was a stupid thing for him to do, I'm glad he's alive, and you should make sure he knows that if he tries something like this again, he may not stay that way.
irishmaiden78 23
My bf is a MMA fighter. If anyone ever broke into his house they would be lucky to be able to walk again.
angryo5trich 13
Yeah your son is kind of a dick
slavka012 11
...anywhow, a prison sentence for B&E will fix OP's son's "housing problems" for the time being.
Sandman2015 12
Wow. While you did a great thing helping out your brother, he deserved the apparently thorough and savage ass whooping the professor gave him.
ThuNDeY 23
Guess that solves his housing issue...
xx000o 27
You don't raise your children to be idiots and thieves, those traits are most likely learned from peer pressure and natural stupidity.
Dusty365365 2
I voted You deserved it, since there wasn't a He deserved it option