Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my son is such an idiot that he forgot he invited both his girlfriends to my brother's funeral. They started a punch-up over him and everyone ended up joining in since we're a very argumentative family. People got arrested and in the end both girls agreed to share my son, who was unconscious. FML
Today, I attended my husband's funeral and my son carried out the eulogy, which basically turned into a character assassination, ending with "and I hope Hell is hot enough for you, old man." Almost our entire family agreed with every word he said. FML
Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML
Today, my son was so hungover at his wedding that he fell asleep standing at the altar and fell over onto his pregnant wife, knocking her backwards onto the floor. What should have been a happy occasion turned into a farce as we rushed her to hospital to check the baby was OK. FML
Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML
Today, it was my stepdad's funeral. Everything was great, until people got drunk, kicked off, and the police got called. FML
Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML
Today, my son is a real ass. My mother died and he literally only booked off half a day to attend his own grandmother's funeral, doesn’t plan to spend time with me after the burial, and since he booked it, all he has done is complain about the three meetings he’s going to miss that morning. FML
Today, I am completely mortified. At my father-in-law's funeral, my husband put a bottle of beer on the coffin and announced to the room his dad was such a tight-fisted sod, it was the first drink he’d ever had on him. FML
Today, despite all my begging for him to at least be civil, my son started his eulogy at his dad's funeral with the words, “Let me tell you a few things about the bastard in the coffin over there.” It only got worse. FML
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Top comments
Ajwc101 24
Who attends a funeral drunk?! I feel so bad for the widow. F her life.
xoxokelsey11 5
I'm imagining a 20 year old groping a 90 year old...
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Comments (115)
CorporalDunn 4
Drunk at a funeral? That is dead disrespectful.
Dixbfloppin 11
It wasn't a baby who died, so sure, go ahead.
perdix 31
I thought everywhere in the world besides the US went metric. Didn't you come within 2.54* centimeters of killing your drunk son? *exactly.
unknown_user5566 27
"One inch" is easier to type than "2.54 centimeters".
Dracoboxer357 36
42- The preciseness of exactly 2.54 centimeters is a little scarier to me in the sense that it is a definite, certain, non negotiable point of death for OP's son. An inch sounds subjective and exaggerated, with some wiggle room for forgiveness. Just saying. ;) *Tease!*
perdix 31
Since it's a figure of speech, I guess I could accept "a centimeter" or even "a millimeter" to indicate a very small distance ("a micron" would be too hyperbolic).
Ray_of_midnight 23
Things like inches and pounds are still used as informal units of measure lots of places. My mom was from Germany, and in Germany into the 1970s people were still referring to "ein Pfund" (one pound) for things like buying meat at the butcher's. "Ein Pfund" was half a kilogram, or 1.1 pounds in U.S. measure. There are also exceptions to EU-mandated metrication. The U.K. still measures road distances in miles and speed limits in mph, and beer in Imperial pints, IIRC.
skullofdarkness 18
Better than groping the corpse at least...
Ajwc101 24
He should have just thrown the kid in the grave to sober up.
devonisthebest 7
Control ur child
Webslinger66 10
I'm surprised you didn't get thumbed down. Thumbs up for originality!!!
NIRVANA1990s 1
oh dear lord i thought it said groping the WINDOW
FuckYourProblems 6
Me too. Then I read it again.
twinkiefeets 17
Your son sounds like an asshole.
screw_loose_ 3
Someone's going to feel bad in the morning!