Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my roommate still chooses to waste his money on McDonald's food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He politely refuses to eat my nutritious home-cooked meals that people say taste amazing. Then he complains that he's in a shitty mood all the time. I wonder why… FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, after a long night of studying, my roommate and her friends decided it would be fun to throw a mini party in my room at 7am. FML
Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML
Today, I clocked into work completely exhausted despite having gone to bed early. My roommates stayed up until 4am watching a movie, blasting music, and constantly giggling like madwomen. This is their "new and improved" schedule. FML
Today, my roommate told me that she was studying in the library. Turns out, she didn't feel like going to the library and just spent all afternoon studying in a friend's room because she didn't think I was capable of shutting up for long enough to get any work done. Our other friends agreed. FML
Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
Today, my roommate remembered that we have an essay due Monday, so he wrote the full essay, while stoned, in less than an hour, without using his textbook. It was better than the one I spent all week writing. He is now upstairs having sex, and I've lost all motivation. FML
Today, my roommate reached a whole new level of laziness: I caught him casually peeing into an empty beer bottle while laying in bed. FML
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Top comments
dhall30 8
Don't worry that will soon change.
Chelsea_bella 20
Life sucks and then you die.
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Comments (107)
buddy64 5
you say she makes more money.. ever think that shes a prostitute?
v0rt3xtraz 3
Give it time. In time all of that hard will pay off for you!
myklknife 6
Unfortunately that's how the world works. The pretty girls and "jocks" rule the workforce every bit as much as they did in school.
PDC_fml 1
You're exaggerating about her situation or your situation, probably pointing out the worst part of her life while highlighting what you do correctly. I'm not sure what you mean by her having a better body - I'm guessing you mean leaner - and if that's the case, it's 95% diet - and no, you don't have to have a good diet, it means you have to eat an overall small amount of energy. You can be a 120lb female, eat 3 big macs and sit on your ass all day - if that's pretty much all you eat. My second guess is she's done this for less than a week - afterall why would you comment on something that has become a norm? She's probably having a rough time and is possibly depressed - maybe you should talk to her. You might also ask her for study tips, as you're obviously going about it inefficiently - or she's taking easy classes and you have conveniently left this out.
Catkam623 27
Who will shortly divorce her don't worry op just keep trying
jiggins007 4
Grades: nailing professor. Bod: Overwhelming Metab. Money: Prostitute. Keep working hard and it'll pay off when you're skinny, rich, and don't have the clap.
yoster3 7
Not in the long run
Arekushisu 8
At least you won't have liver failure before you're 30.
GRgoldfish 19
don't worry. I know half the people that commented said this but if she keeps this she will lose her body, her grads will fall and drop out, and she will be caned. it doesn't seem like it now, but one if she doesn't stop it will happen. in the mean time good luck with your goals :)
dlas 5
Paint her boobs Black While shes out