Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was finally about to hook up with the girl I’ve been crushing on forever. My piss-drunk roommate burst through my door butt ass naked and yelled, “Party time, bitches!” Now she thinks I’m some perv that tried to rope her into a three-way. I tried to explain and apologize, but she's blocked me. FML
Today, I was chilling at home when my roomie cruised in with a baddie on his arm. She turned out to be a total ho and started trying to get in my pants while he was sitting RIGHT THERE. I did everything I could to shake her off and in the end I just asked her to leave. Fuck, I feel bad for him. FML
Today, I met a great girl at a party. We talked alone, and she made me promise I'd dance with her later. When I saw her later, she was unconscious, and in an ambulance. She'd collapsed, and the entire party assumed I'd spiked her drink. FML
Today, I was at a club with my girlfriend of a year. A guy starts hitting on her while I'm sitting right next to her. He then asks her to go back to his place for some fun, so I start laughing thinking that there is no chance she would even consider this. I walked home alone. FML
Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML
Today, my loser roommate got wasted. He comes to me before going to bed, tells me he loves me, tries to hug me, then explosively vomits all over my face, my hair, my clothes. Then spends the rest of the night retching. FML
Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML
Today, I went on a date with a girl I recently met, thinking she was really into me. Turns out she isn’t. How did I figure it out? We went clubbing and she hit on my roommate, made out with her best guy friend, and then left with a completely different guy. FML
Today, I took a friend home from the hospital. She was on medication that made her drowsy. She fell onto her bed and asked me to help her take off some clothes since she had her winter gear on. She passes out and her roommate walks in and catches me undressing an unconscious girl. FML
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Top comments
24788 7
HAHA, I COULD BE THAT GUY!
21yearoldvirgin 0
Ouch, been there. :( My friends have definitely told me before "not to worry, they'll just call this alcoholic they know, get him blacked out, and then bring me in and it will happen." sometimes friends suck... lol
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Comments (75)
Panicattackx5 0
Take the joke?
acro_actress95 0
#62: That was rude and uncalled for. OP: That stinks. You sure have a nice room mate eh? LOL I would have slapped her. :oP
NoahLou 0
I would have told her, no thanks I'm not a **** who sleeps with random dudes but thanks anyways.
RachelleLynne 0
Don't be so freakin sensitive. Jeez
sykokitti 15
most friends who put you down are just jealous.. shes insecure about herself and only feels better by putting down her competition... y would you wanna be a bucket anyway?
Bcfrmkc816 17
I'm her for ya
stevenmx86 8
Or you could stop being a prick and have a sense of humor,op..
sillymcbilly 7
prove them wrong my silly compagnion.
aLiYaaH_fml 17
Ok.... That's harsh but don't think about it that way... U can probably get a boy in no time ;) She's probably just one of those drunk chicks that hooks up with random people.
fantasyworld 39
She's probably joking.