Today, my roommate brought a guy home at 3:30am. Not having a condom, she ran into my room to borrow one of mine. She was overzealous, jumped onto my bed, and cracked two of my ribs. She then took the condom, left me lying paralyzed with pain, and then had very loud sex, which I heard. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after getting into bed, I found a used condom under my covers. I asked my roommate about it. She freely admitted that since my bed was comfier than hers, she had sex with her boyfriend on it. FML
Today, my roommate hooked up with a guy she met at a party. After telling me about it, she says to me, "Maybe next time we go out we'll hit someone over the head and drag him back here for you." Apparently the only way I can get a guy is if he's unconscious. FML
Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML
Today, my boyfriend "accidentally" had sex with my roommate. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML
Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML
Today, I was chilling at home when my roomie cruised in with a baddie on his arm. She turned out to be a total ho and started trying to get in my pants while he was sitting RIGHT THERE. I did everything I could to shake her off and in the end I just asked her to leave. Fuck, I feel bad for him. FML
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Top comments
BrEnNo1023 5
self-obsessed, dysfunctional, heartless people. **** her (not literally) kick her out or some shit. don't sit there and take that. DONT.
curryndricegirll 0
sounds like she wasn't "overzealous", sounds like she was just drunk...and if it makes you feel any better, they probably broke the condom and your roommate will probably either be pregnant or have herpes within a month
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Comments (125)
slapper23 0
Should have charged her for the condom!
HahaYDI 0
Should have charged her for the medical bill AND the condom
Pink_ElePhant88 0
And get a new roommate that isn't a bitch that steals your condoms
ryguy997 0
you can sue for assault. yay a fellow Canadian. **** THE USA!!!
bballer8 1
**** CANADA
TheOptimist 0
You can't **** countries.
roooose 6
**** ur mom. i really cant hear u over hear with all my health benefits.
TardxxxCake 4
112 I luv you xD <3
Trevormg1 4
Nigga how is you gonna borrow a condom nigga is you gonna give it back
jroxursox1 10
Yeah they gave us Justin Bieber.
wolfgold2 20
Justin Bieber was born in Canada. However, the person we see today was birthed by America.
musicboy997 0
tht suck first losers
imtheman920 0
1st, really??? Its looks like you were second. OP: You didn't start yelling to let her know you were there?
catriona_cd 0
you fail your father should have cum in the toilet, not your mother :P
shinshoku13 19
^wtf that makes no sense! Women dont cum in toilets... And as for "first" your second idiot and instead of trying to inform the people who can clearly see what number you are, you should inform yourself "first"
SarahLove45 6
He was saying the father should have came in the toilet instead of in the mother. It was poor wording.
BrEnNo1023 5
self-obsessed, dysfunctional, heartless people. **** her (not literally) kick her out or some shit. don't sit there and take that. DONT.
curryndricegirll 0
sounds like she wasn't "overzealous", sounds like she was just drunk...and if it makes you feel any better, they probably broke the condom and your roommate will probably either be pregnant or have herpes within a month
pinksaint 0
sounds drunk www.pinksaint.com
unfortunate_13 5
I'm sorry, she's a selfish *****
22jrdn55 15
u mean they shuld've had a threesome?
Oncoming_Storm 0
She "borrowed" a condom, I hope she didn't return it when she'd finished.
ashleeee 0
lmfaooooooooooooooooooooooo thats funnny ! OP tell your roomates payback is a female dog !
stfuminjakid 0
You should make her pay for your medical bills. That's ridiculous
mmeow 0
she lives in Canada. We don't have medical bills.
Armin_fml 0
hehe.. social security.. I love it :)
mylifeblows3232 3
you pay high taxes, horrible doctors, long waits, and selective surgeries. yay socialism!!
veghead95 6
Ouch... I agree you should make her pay.
xyourstruly3 0
How Sick .. sex Isn't that Good
genius_man16 1
Maybe YOURS isn't.... @OP: how did she break your ribs? I mean, that's hard enough to do if you're trying, much less just jumping on someone, she just be fat as hell
wellesleybanana 0
Because this is like all the other injury FMLs -- they exaggerate the injuries to make them sound more dramatic. How many of these people have really cracked their heads open or gotten concussions? But they know if they just write "and my head hurt a lot" it won't get published.
DameGreyWulf 1
No actually it's true you don't have to be really heavy to break someone's ribs if you land just right. If you fall just right, you can break your own ribs too. I bet I could break OP's ribs if I landed on her just right with my ass. I'd probably recrack my tailbone too... lol I'm very bony, you see, quite easy for me to harm my tailbone. Stupid dad cursing me with his lack of ass fat. Ah... speaking of which, maybe OP meant "cracked." A lot of people refer to their ribs being broken when they're actually just cracked.
anansi87 0
actually... the OP said she cracked her ribs...
DameGreyWulf 1
It said broke earlier, I swear I remember that. Possibly they changed it?