Today, I walked in on my drunk roommate grinding up stale marshmallows and attempting to snort them. FML

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate and his friends using my bass clarinet to smoke weed. FML

Confused

Today, my roommate came home from work and yelled at me for my dinner being too spicy. The same dinner he denied stealing. FML

Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML

Good tasting

Today, my roommate left those powdered donuts in the kitchen. Hungry, I decided to try one. Turns out, the white powder wasn't sugar. It was cocaine. FML

'Ello 'ello 'ello

Today, I discovered that my roommate is a drug dealer and has been keeping her product in our flat. I discovered this when several police officers broke down my bathroom door and arrested me while I was in the shower. FML

Today, my roommate ran out of filter tips so he cut up my chemistry note cards for his joints. FML

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

Today, my asshat roommate tricked me into eating a weed brownie. I thought it was his terrible attempt at baking regular brownies until it kicked in at college. I was so high, I started giggling like a schoolgirl when my instructor said "Dickens". Now everyone thinks I'm a retard. FML

Gotcha good

Today, tired of my roommate’s constant stealing of my food, I decided to get back at him by hiding a small amount of hot sauce in his sandwich, thinking it would be a funny prank. When he took a huge bite, he immediately started choking and running to the bathroom. I later found out he's allergic to spicy food. FML