Today, I was making my bed, which would normally be a simple task, until I leaned into the wooden foot of my bed, and put my entire body weight on my left nut. FML

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

The indignity

Today, I stepped on the scale this morning and it actually shattered beneath my feet. FML

Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML

Today, when I weighed myself on my scale, it broke. FML

Today, I stepped on the scale and realized that I weigh more than the amount of money that I have in my bank account. FML

Today, I found out what sound a hammer makes when it strikes the back of my hand. FML

Stable

Today, after I bought a bedframe a few days ago that was up for sale with a sign next to it that said "The best you can ever find! Very supportive and stable!" guess what happened? It shattered into small splinters. I’m literally underweight, too. FML

Feel this FML

Today, I now know how it feels to have a splinter of wood hammered a full inch underneath your fingernail. FML

Today, my wife and I had our brand new king-size mattress set delivered. After the delivery men left, she informed me that I was no longer allowed to eat or drink in bed. Oh yeah, and we're not having sex on it either. FML