Today, my mum read a forwarded email, and is now convinced that eating processed food will make my ovaries shrink and disappear. Now she goes batshit crazy if she sees me eating potato chips. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I asked my mom if she could include mashed potatoes and gravy with dinner. She then went on to yell at me about my "unhealthy eating habits" and how I've "gained a lot of weight in the past few months". I'm pregnant. FML
Today, my mother insists that because I won’t eat my dad’s mashed potatoes, it means I must think he is a bad cook and that I'm a disrespectful little prick. I wouldn’t touch mashed potatoes even if Gordon Ramsay made them, and I was on the brink of starvation. FML
Today, my morbidly obese mother gave me an angry lecture at dinner, saying without any trace of irony that my vegetarian diet is "unhealthy and utterly unacceptable". FML
Today, my mum was saying she needs to gain weight because she was underweight according to her doctor. She then said she's going to eat like me in order to gain more weight. FML
Today, my mom found a new fad, and now styles herself as some kind of modern druid. Normally I'd just roll my eyes and deal with it, except she's forced the entire family to go vegetarian, threatening harsh punishments if we refuse to stop "poisoning" our bodies. FML
Today, I decided I need help, so I confessed to my mother that I'm bulimic. After she looked it up online she started screaming at me for "Wasting food that I'm not paying for." FML
Today, I found out my mom intentionally puts extra butter and oil in the food she cooks for me because she wants me to be fatter than her. FML
Today, I'm staying with my mother for a week. Every time I eat something, she tells me that it's "swimsuit season" and that I need to eat less. Every time I say I'm not hungry, she panics and insists I have an eating disorder. I can't win. FML
Today, my mom asked me if I had an eating problem because I've been eating less. I only started eating less because she told me I ate too much. FML
Today, my mom went on a rant about how insulin and other diabetic medications are evil western poisons, and that she can control her condition naturally on her own. That would be great, if she actually ate right and exercised instead of just using meditation to “think” herself healthy. FML
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Top comments
SilverInGray 25
Emailed information is always correct though.
cradle6 13
Oh Jesus, your mom wants you to eat healthier. How horrible. I'm sorry OP.
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Comments (103)
Buzzy123 7
She's must be like 30 years old you would by nowshe ate
Buzzy123 7
GAH DAMN IPOD OK She must be 30 years old you would think by know that she's eaten so much processed food she's lost her ovaries and grew a dick but no she didn't people believe anything these days. IM READY FOR THOSE THUMBS DOWN!
GoW_Chick 15
How about a thumbs up unless your heart is set on those thumbs down
silvercamaro 22
Yeah I might just go "batshit crazy" too...wtf
GoW_Chick 15
Just tell her "once you pop you just can't stop!"
Fragmonto 5
Off the topic: which GoW?
GoW_Chick 15
I have been obsessed with gears of war since the game first came out so to answer your question every single one they came out with or will come out with but I have just bought the third and have been to busy to have the time to properly get to play
Fragmonto 5
*high five* I wish you get the time to play it 'cause the last one was really AWESOME!!!
mexicanguy39 7
Batshit crazy? Never heard that before.. But yeah, hate it when older people read shit online and believe all of it!
ScreamingDay 0
I didn't know bat shit was crazy!
laden_swallow09 35
Oh, definitely! Guano makes for an incredible fertilizer, like Miracle-Gro x2!
DocBastard 40
*sigh* It's idiots like this that have caused some idiotic parents not to vaccinate their children. Probably 99% of so-called "medical information" online is utter bullshit. The only thing you can believe is, well, me.
TheDrifter 24
What about that miracle "enhancement" drug I keep getting emails for? I've used thousands of their free samples, so it's bound to work soon right Doc?
THE_A_TEEN 28
Thousands of their free samples?? WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD YET?!?!?!?!?!
DocBastard 40
Drifter, if you aren't bigger than 3 inches by now, I'd give up.
zombicidal 11
the reason it hasn't grown is because you've only used the free samples
TheDrifter 24
NOOOO!! All my dreams, shattered.
margie2194 12
Doc, for some strange reason I imagine you having a voice similar to Darth Vader whenever I read your comments. Lol.
KiddNYC1O 22
I imagine Gilbert Gottfried's voice.
silentbutfunny 0
He sounds like one of those old unhappy doctors that say "ok, bend over and spread em" way to many times. But keeps his sanity by finding thos tumors :)
bostongirl77 5
Lmao, common sense says if your mom still has her ovaries its probably not true... Your mom is a bit much.
Dark__Angel66 24
Here's the thing about common sense... It's not that common.
rattusrattus 19
Tell her that at least you wont get pregnant by accident! (This will work even better if you're a teenager.) Seriously, that is insane. Going to hit up Snopes now, to see if has appeared.
VoteForTaco 8
No'h my god :O
flockz 20
don't run naked through a flock of birds....