Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mum thought it would be acceptable to tell my school that the reason I will not be attending classes is because I have "the shits." FML
Today, I took my mum on the London Underground. We were standing on the platform, when she suddenly bought up a load of phlegm in her mouth. Instead of trying to find a bin, she just full on spat out the biggest green pile on the floor next to people. FML
Today, I'm banned from the only working bathroom in my house because my mother is cleansing for an upcoming colonoscopy. My options are either a bucket in the basement, or wetting myself. FML
Today, my extremely lazy roommate is in bed with the flu. Instead of getting up to get water, he's run the garden hose through his window, and instead of going to the bathroom, he's connected a siphon to his penis and run it to a 5-gallon bucket. I have to live with this idiot. FML
Today, I swear I’m going to just refuse to use the toilet when my mom is home on principle because whenever I go, no matter the time of day or night, that will be the exact moment she's bursting for a pee, and needs me out "NOW NOW NOW!" I haven’t had a relaxing, uninterrupted shit in almost a month. FML
Today, my mother told me she needed a urine sample to send in to the doctors to test for any allergies. I did what she had asked and went to my room. I came down stairs later and found her in the bathroom putting my pee on a pregnancy test stick. FML
Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML
Today, I was having a bath and needed the loo (they're in separate rooms), and my mother-in-law used the bathroom while I wasn't in it. I walked back in and realised my enema bulb was in full fucking view. I actually want to lie on the ground and let the moss consume me. FML
Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML
Today, I heard my mom sobbing in the bathroom. Concerned, I went in to see what was wrong. I found her sitting on the toilet, pants down and a cigarette between her fingers. When I asked what was going on, she looked up at me and slurred that we'd run out of "shit-wipes." FML
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Top comments
Eliseopwns 22
Thank god you know better than her.
Aspen_Grace33 27
Wow that's pretty bad. May as well start her in depends now...
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Comments (60)
Xotoolyxo 16
I don't know anyone who's ever been this lazy, disgusting
trulypar 34
Um, one question no one's asked...was she at least unlazy enough to dump the jug herself? Gross!!!
nyikkins 11
If she had it in her to go and get a jug, why didn't she just go to the bathroom? So many unanswered questions.
Emibelle_fml 20
That's just nasty.
animalxcrackers 20
A grown ass woman.... ******** in a jug.
Martinez0285 28
Some places people have to pay to see that ,,,
robj118 10
Dude, gross
Kitten_Calderon 14
Oh geez... That brought back memories of this medical show I watched today.. This one lady described in much detail how she gives herself a coffee enema then ***** it out.. The things people will do when their sick or healthy :/
kmartFTW 12
Oh that's just nasty..
aeldredge70 7
gross
worldclassrager 41
Please don't say you have to dispose of that... Is there's downstairs bathroom she can use?
alicat13 12
Why do you not have a bed pan for when you are that sick? hope you get as sick as her and have to do it in a jug too! Get a bed pan dumb ass.
mikbrooke 25
uh, the mother was being lazy because she has the flu. she isnt all that sick. that does not mean they HAVE to get a bed pan.
Bloobloke 12
who just keeps a bedpan around for when they're sick? and bedpans are incredibly uncomfortable.
rockydify 22
"The flu" is NOT some minor illness! It can leave you bedridden. A bad cold is totally different from the flu. Most people have a misconception of what the flu actually is.