Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML
Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML
Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
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Top comments
nerd_fml 0
Does it make anyone else the slightest bit angry that her mom is implying that her ****** is her HUSBAND'S property, and it doesn't matter what she wants - just that her husband enjoys himself?
thequeenofscots 0
Hey, it could have been worse. She could've filled up those remaining ten minutes telling you exactly how much HER husband liked her tight on their wedding night.
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Comments (77)
Vagabones 0
Kegel muscles are there for a reason.
natsaysheyyy 16
Well, she made a good point at least.
Heidi_fml 0
Vaginas are elastic.
santos_fml 0
#2, THANK YOU! If we do our Kegels every day (like 50, five sets of 10), there will be no complaints about any looseness...and no worries with childbirth or peeing when you sneeze.
AntiqueTurquiose 0
haha thats the most awkward thing ever. i am sorry
blouuu_fml 0
#4... True for the peeing, and true for the looseness... But childbirth? Kegels will help for the healing afterwards, but sadly it's the uterus that contracts and hurts during labor, not the ******. And I think that the point of the FML wasn't that her mother gave her a talk about it, it's that she did it while they were on a ski lift, and it made the situation very awkward afterwards.
Mnemic 6
Hehe, just don't make the same mistake as your mom did. Go for it when you have a chance... ;)
Thabb 0
Go out and have random sex!
thequeenofscots 0
Hey, it could have been worse. She could've filled up those remaining ten minutes telling you exactly how much HER husband liked her tight on their wedding night.
Tucatz 0
The tightest woman I've been with yet is 40 and has been sexually active for a lot of years now. Tell you mom that not everyone who has premarital sex gets stretched out and floppy- just those who don't care enough to do their kegels.
artistvspoet16 6
What's a keel?
urrka 0
I hate sexaphobic parents. My mom once told me that I was only allowed to have sex twice- and only to produce grandchildren. WTF?
ryguy1997 0
So your mom doesn't want you to be healthy because if married couples have sex at least once or twice a well it is hood for them.
nowherefast_fml 0
HAHAHAHA!! I love this one so much. My mom has said more or less the same thing to me before, for lack of a better reason for me not to have sex. What did you say to her?! hahaha.