Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, with words of encouragement from my mom, I vacuumed my room. After finishing and admiring my job well done, I went to put the vacuum away. It caught on the plug for my electric razor which was dangling below the dresser and yanked that and everything else that was on top of it off. FML
Today, I finally finished vacuuming my downstairs. Instead of finding the wall outlet and unplugging the vacuum, I triumphantly tugged the cord from across the room to release the plug from the wall. It flew at me at top speed and hit me in the face. FML
Today, I woke up and heard a noise coming from the kitchen. I went down stairs and saw a huge guy in there. I got a vase and hit him over the head, not realizing it was my mom's new boyfriend. FML
Today, my mother called me urgently from the kitchen. Thinking she was hurt, I ran to her as fast as possible. She threw a wet cloth at my head and ran away, laughing her face off. FML
Today, the neighbors called the cops on us because they heard a series of loud screams. No, no one was being murdered, but my mom found one of my socks in the laundry room. FML
Today, I was rummaging about in the pantry. When I turned to walk away, the heavy pantry door fell off, struck me in the back of the head, and the wood surrounding the doorknob cracked. When my mom came home, she accused me of "property damage." FML
Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML
Today, I was doing laundry, and decided to wash my cat's blanket. He chased me down the stairs into the basement, and I slightly closed the door behind me so he wouldn't follow me. He pushed the door shut, which automatically locks. I was trapped down there for 3 hours until my mom came home. FML
Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML
Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend myself and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house, but I'd left the radio on. FML
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Top comments
YayFlameWarz 9
Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, cause they vacuuming e'erybody out here.
KilteDKilleR 7
Motherly love.
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Comments (95)
leadman1989 16
Better than a double rape and murder. Lol FYL!
MegaTroller_fml 5
Well..at least she came out of the closet already.
bizarre_ftw 22
You should've screamed, banged about, and come back covered in ketchup
bizarre_ftw 22
You should've screamed, banged about, and come back covered in ketchup
chell1894 13
Doggy hell!
hallkchallkc 4
Maybe you shouldn't put the vacuum on the top shelf...
abbyelizabeth 9
Your mom seems nice...
waterboy14 7
Lol she left you to die
Chigagigaroo 0
If she runs at the sight of that, then she'll probably run at the sight of a real attacker. FYL.
humorizer 14
@I iz b a troll: I know normally you're pretty intelligent and just like to troll around, but it appears to me that in this instance you're actually not understanding what happened: The mother thought it was a robber. Instead of assisting the OP who is (presumably) her daughter, the mother decided to just ditch her daughter and let her fend for herself.