Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss wrote me up for saying "pissed" in front of a client. This is the same boss who nearly pissed himself laughing when a client made an extremely off-color Holocaust joke a few weeks ago, in front of half the department. FML
Today, my boss yelled at me for leaving on time. After months of management hounding us about our overtime, I get in trouble for doing what I was supposed to do. FML
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
Today, my manager called me to demand I come in to fix his computer, unpaid of course, since I have no overtime rate, then threatened to fire me when I said, "No chance." I’m 1000 miles away on my honeymoon and he knows this, since he granted my holiday request and congratulated me on the wedding. FML
Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML
Today, my daughter got fired from a high five figures job for making up fake religious holidays to get days off, and for almost a year her boss was so scared of being called a racist, he never bothered to look into it until today, and she was sacked 10 minutes later. FML
Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my boss about the importance of a decent work/life balance. He then asked me to work overtime on a Saturday. FML
Today, I woke up to a voicemail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML
Today, I overheard my boss talking about me on the phone. Turns out he was drunk off his ass when he gave the go-ahead to hire me, and he's now searching for any excuse to legally fire me. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
DocBastard 40
*moves to Malaysia* *converts to this guy's religion* *learns Macedonian*
Drigr 9
After he fires you, remember the terms this coworker used and use them at your next job to score some pussy instead of work.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (82)
datoismyname 22
Macedonian's for the win! Haha us Macedonians are awesome.
LuckyLynx7732 5
Did you even ask what religion it was? Do you not know how to use google?
fordman22 0
Coitous?
perdix 31
Of course, on the Jewish New Year, they blow the shofar, which Gentiles hear as "blow the chauffeur." And that's in English, which lots of people speak!
Exatonne 1
Lol being a Macedonian this sounds about right. :P
Epikouros 32
Well, please help us out here, how do you say 'scoring some pussy' in Macedonian?
bill123nye456 0
And a merry scoring some pussy day to you too
melrose90210 10
I give that guy some props... That's a good one.
Fml_FTW228 10
o.O I was reading the FML's from most to least recent and when I stumbled upon the' "candlelit dinner... there were firefighters at my house" FML, I realized you had put this same comment.
dragonmonkey 9
Why can't my religion have a holy days like that? FML.
KuchkaNumberOne 2
Do you work at Cedar Point?