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The planets made me do it

Today, my sister wrecked my car, then blamed it on, "Mercury being in retrograde." FML

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Halloween

A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.

Same thing different taste

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Then all you have to do is sue Mercury. Call Jim Adler, the Texas Hammer. If he can make big insurance companies pay, he can surely get money out of a planet. Who told that planet to start going backwards? It's an open-and-shut case.

Sounds like something my girlfriend could’ve done. Luckily she doesn’t have a drivers license.

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Then all you have to do is sue Mercury. Call Jim Adler, the Texas Hammer. If he can make big insurance companies pay, he can surely get money out of a planet. Who told that planet to start going backwards? It's an open-and-shut case.

Sounds like something my girlfriend could’ve done. Luckily she doesn’t have a drivers license.