Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML
Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML
Today, I woke up with really dry, chapped lips. Still in bed, without my glasses on, I sleepily reached down into my purse for some chapstick and applied it. Upon awakening later I realized I had mistaken a mini Sharpie permanent marker for chapstick. I have a job interview today. FML
Today, someone held me down and rubbed ChapStick all over my lips. I have a condition which requires medicinal balm, otherwise my lips crack and bleed, and ChapStick makes it worse. I’m still waiting on the balm to arrive. FML
Today, I sparkled because of this glitter bar my mother got me from Lush. I didn't realize until after I got out of the shower that it wasn't just ordinary soap. I tried to wipe off the glitter. It wouldn't come off. FML
Today, I used a glue stick instead of my Carmex lip balm. FML
Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML
Today, I was having lunch with my mom before an important job interview. She commented than my lips looked dry and crackly and gave me her chapstick with aloe to put on. Apparently I'm allergic to aloe and my lips got so swollen I could hardly talk. It was too late to reschedule the interview. FML
Today, I was really badly sunburnt, so I put on some after-sun. The only type we have has glitter in it, and now I look like a sparkling tomato. FML
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Top comments
froggyjade 16
Bet you looked beautiful :-D
blackonblight 33
Hey, if David Bowie can rock glitter lips, why not you? Just channel your inner goblin king.
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Comments (128)
1947Chevy 17
It can't be as bad as me. A few years ago I feel asleep in my room with my cousins over. I woke up with a full on makeover including eye liner, hair spray, live balm, eye shadow, and green nail polish. So remember you just got the lipped I got the whole thing and did not have time to even notice until I was already in school.
VeganVampyre 27
So what? People get so upset about the silliest things. Be secure enough in your masculinity to rock the glitter balm! OR, embrace your inner gay enough to rock the glitter balm. Your choice :D
JMichael 26
I'd take princess over fairy any day.
graceinsheepwear 34
I'm curious as to why your friend glossed over the fact that it was glitter gloss. Did it not occur to her at the time or did she amusedly just allow the lips, er, chips to fall where they may?
Omniprism 15
Lotion works too.
InnocentMalice 12
ey! I suppose princess is better than twilight? someone called me that when I did that mistake....Edward Cullen for a month
Rainhawk94 27
But you're a girl....
krissajulia 10
Bad thing about glitter is it's hard to take off
amisenho 11
It's the herpes of craft supplies. (Thank you, Demetri Martin)
outoftown 27
47 - And holiday cards.
amisenho 11
Did they precede it with, "Well, excuuuuuse me!" when they accidentally bumped into you on the street?
apacalipto 1
why is this fml?
hplover7 11
OWN IT. Tell everyone that they can only call you that if they bow down and serve your every whim ;)