Father of the year

Today, my son told me he failed to get into the army, which I didn’t know he was trying to do. Apparently he thought playing Call of Duty non-stop counted as "experience" and that he’d become an officer rank straight away, despite being 10-stone overweight with the brains of a tree stump FML

Dumbass

Today, my 18 year-old son threatened to sue a store because they refused to give him a senior discount, at which point he trashed the store in a blind rage, and got banned for life. That would make more sense if he was actually a senior, not a senior in high school. FML

Today, my son finally got a job for the first time in his life. He only did it so he can upgrade his PC and buy Overwatch. He's 24. FML

Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML

Thank you for your service

Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML

Stop the steal

Today, my son admitted to maxing out my credit card, gambling on a some scam website that a dumbass streamer was promoting. He's only 10. FML

Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML

Soldier boy

Today, after my idiot son joined the army, flew out on deployment, he then flew straight back home again after accidentally shooting himself. His squad leader said it was the most bizarre accident he’d ever seen while still being considered an accident. As I said, my son's an idiot. FML

Dumbass

Today, my son is an idiot, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt by giving him a job as a cashier in one of my stores. Within half an hour, I was sent security footage from that store's manager showing my son on his phone, ignoring customers, picking his nose, and stealing money from the till. FML

Today, I finally realized the reason my son's grades have been dropping so much. Every time I drop him off at his tutor's house, they play Call of Duty until I pick him up. FML