Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my son told me he failed to get into the army, which I didn’t know he was trying to do. Apparently he thought playing Call of Duty non-stop counted as "experience" and that he’d become an officer rank straight away, despite being 10-stone overweight with the brains of a tree stump FML
Today, my 18 year-old son threatened to sue a store because they refused to give him a senior discount, at which point he trashed the store in a blind rage, and got banned for life. That would make more sense if he was actually a senior, not a senior in high school. FML
Today, my son finally got a job for the first time in his life. He only did it so he can upgrade his PC and buy Overwatch. He's 24. FML
Today, I had to explain to my son that his dad was too busy in a raid on World of Warcraft to be at his award ceremony. FML
Today, I was pretending to be a veteran for the US Navy at a local outlet, because I was desperate for cheap stuff. All was going well, until an actual vet pointed out that the ship I had on my naval hat was a fictitious one. Shit. FML
Today, my son admitted to maxing out my credit card, gambling on a some scam website that a dumbass streamer was promoting. He's only 10. FML
Today, my son volunteered to help me cut out coupons. When I got to the register at the store, I noticed he'd cut off all the barcodes. FML
Today, after my idiot son joined the army, flew out on deployment, he then flew straight back home again after accidentally shooting himself. His squad leader said it was the most bizarre accident he’d ever seen while still being considered an accident. As I said, my son's an idiot. FML
Today, my son is an idiot, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt by giving him a job as a cashier in one of my stores. Within half an hour, I was sent security footage from that store's manager showing my son on his phone, ignoring customers, picking his nose, and stealing money from the till. FML
Today, I finally realized the reason my son's grades have been dropping so much. Every time I drop him off at his tutor's house, they play Call of Duty until I pick him up. FML
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Top comments
JackSkellingtons 11
Well, did he get it?
WeakYoungTeen 21
You raised that...
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Comments (128)
Johnsmers 8
Im twentieth prestige…
gracehi 33
No one cares.
detectivedipsiht 12
are you sure about that #19. are you sure that everyone, everywhere in the world does not care. have you asked all 7+ billion people if they care? didn't think so.
gracehi 33
34, I must say, you're aptly named.
detectivedipsiht 12
thank you. it is my dream job to a dipshit detective. kind of like Bill Murray in The Man Who Knew Little.
randome101 12
Not sure what game that is since they only go up to 10
TheLonesomeGamer 17
Modern warfare 3 goes to 20th prestige I just wanted you to know haha I'm passing through my FML's for the day and I feel like helping people :D
lifein2014 13
I would have gave him the discount lol he earned it
OhWhoCares 42
No. Members of the military go through a lot for their countries and some never come back. Playing a stupid video game will never be equal to what members of the military experience and it's extremely disrespectful to imply otherwise.
JBChristian 47
Why is #50 getting voted down? The stupid idiot didn't earn anything close to a veteran.
McMelons 9
Oh waaaa! Stop being so precious about it. My brother is an injured solider and he would have laughed at this. People need to stop being so sensitive about everything.
anormalperson 25
#13 So if a kid can press a few buttons and kill a few video game characters, you should be treated like being a real soldier who risks their lives everyday? I don't think so...
njgohard 16
Every time I gain hope in humanity, shit like this happens.
iLike2Teabag 27
Then get off this site. Are you expecting posts like "today somebody saved my life. FML" on this site or something?
njgohard 16
I love you too, honeychild.
steveykinz0967 16
Well maybe he's very persuasive and will actually save some money getting a discount
DragonDude 24
Only fifth? N00b.
gracehi 33
Reminds me of something my RDC told us at boot camp. He said he once saw an application from a potential recruit to join the Navy that was pretty silly. Under "Previous military experience," the applicant had written "Call of Duty." I don't know why some morons think COD is in any way comparable to actually serving. I might as well claim to be a city planner because I used to play SIM City, or a lion tamer because I play Pokemon.
EnderWolf1013 9
please kill this little shit.
weveallbeenthere 30
can't use those words. I'm sure you will be moderated very soon.
trellz17 19
Kill their own child? How rational.
anormalperson 25
kill it with fire!
weveallbeenthere 30
yeah, that sounds reasonable. You should take his call of duty and hide it for a month.
TwentyFourBeerz 18
He's just gonna put in Grand Theft Auto
MegroKitty 8
that is torture. I would kill someone if they took my COD for a month.
mosquito19 14
wow, that's advanced level of stupidity. he deserves more video games as reward.
BrutusAurelius 2
This isn't stupid This is... ADVANCED STUPID!
CrysisKing 5
Thats awesome!!
JBChristian 47
No, not it's not.
JBChristian 47
No*