Today, my girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her for me while he was in Shanghai. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML
Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML
Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML
Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML
Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML
Today, my boyfriend left for a 2-year job posting in China. We had agreed to maintain a long-distance relationship, and even worked out a visiting schedule. Later that night, after trying to reach him, I realized the numbers he gave me weren't for China. The country code doesn't even exist. FML
Today, my girlfriend was given an ultimatum by her dad: come back to China and marry the man he picked for her, or stay here at uni with her 'white devil boyfriend' (me) and be shunned by her whole family forever. She chose here for her future career, but I think she resents me for it. FML
Today, a girl I knew in high school who now lives out of state came to town to visit and stay over. We've been talking albeit romantically for the past few months. Not thirty minutes after we arrived at my place from the airport, her ex-boyfriend came by and she hopped in his car. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, three teenage punks harassed me spewing made up Chinese. They might've scored a bingo, because a group of royally pissed off Chinese men came and attacked them. The cops arrived and took them, and me, not believing that I wasn't with them. Their evidence: one of punk's phones shows one of them consoling me. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML
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Top comments
anglcdvl89 0
So THAT'S how they say hi in China? No wonder that country is overpopulated...they're just a friendly peoples...
wutupbruh 0
does hi mean something weird in chinese?
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Comments (135)
DreMaMa 0
Maybe that's just a cover up? maybe shes doing every small dick in china. YDI for letting her go and thinking your friend would honestly just say "hi"
glamorous67 0
@8- i know thats a joke but its kindof rascist... anywayyyy i would say this is a much bigger FML for your girlfriend!! but still, FYL
blkwhtrbbt 0
it's cool. I'm Chinese and I found that funny.
QuickSilv3r777 0
Ching-Chongiday?
xNephilim 19
It's not racist... It was sarcasm...
Nomad609 0
Well, say 'Hi' to his girlfriend or when he gets back, let your fist say 'Hi' to him
Sgt_Schadenfreud 0
Your "girlfriend" lives in china and you don't?
doggylover27 0
Long distance, duh-much?
inflagranti 0
your life is f***ed coz its totally out of your control
Curtieeeez 0
#8, LOL. And wow, that sucks. :
wowfmlife 0
they use "sexually harassed" very lightly nowadays... figure out what he did before youd do anything crazy
kwosti 0
She's probably trying to get you guys to fight over her, and for you to go back ASAP. Shanghai girls are bred to marry men from overseas. Watch yourself buddy.....
were_giraffe 2
So... did he just say "hi" as he promised? or did he really harass her? I have seen some girls who treat just simple things as "hello" as "omg he's hitting on me!"
bipolarchipmunk 0
here's what you do: When this guy returns home, tell him YOU'RE going to china, and that you'll get him a special "gift" there. Then, go to China, and buy an expensive pair of oriental chopsticks. When you come back, take the chopsticks and approach this fellow; tell him you have his special "gift". Then, grab both of the chopsticks and jam them in his ears as hard as you can. The aim here is puncture his ear drums. Doubt he'll be saying "hi" to anyone for a long time if he's deaf. Problem solved.
ThriceWritten 21
You don't use your eardrums to say hi to someone ... you use your mouth.