Today, my girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her for me while he was in Shanghai. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the police showed up at my door asking if I told this creepy guy stalking my girlfriend that I'll chop him up and bury each piece in a different country if he doesn't stop bothering my girl. I told them I did, along with an explanation. Turns out, he's been missing since that day. FML
Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML
Today, a girl I've been talking to online for a while asked me if I wanted to meet her in person. Two hours of driving later, I end up at her house. When she opened the door, she screamed and called the cops on me. While detained, she called my phone asking why I never showed up today. FML
Today, I found out the person who's been stalking and harassing me online was actually my now ex-boyfriend. He only confessed as I finally picked up the phone to report it to the police. He basically said he wanted me to turn to him for comfort and protection, so he could "feel like a man". FML
Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML
Today, my boyfriend left for a 2-year job posting in China. We had agreed to maintain a long-distance relationship, and even worked out a visiting schedule. Later that night, after trying to reach him, I realized the numbers he gave me weren't for China. The country code doesn't even exist. FML
Today, my girlfriend was given an ultimatum by her dad: come back to China and marry the man he picked for her, or stay here at uni with her 'white devil boyfriend' (me) and be shunned by her whole family forever. She chose here for her future career, but I think she resents me for it. FML
Today, a girl I knew in high school who now lives out of state came to town to visit and stay over. We've been talking albeit romantically for the past few months. Not thirty minutes after we arrived at my place from the airport, her ex-boyfriend came by and she hopped in his car. I haven't heard from her since. FML
Today, three teenage punks harassed me spewing made up Chinese. They might've scored a bingo, because a group of royally pissed off Chinese men came and attacked them. The cops arrived and took them, and me, not believing that I wasn't with them. Their evidence: one of punk's phones shows one of them consoling me. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend at work. Because she was "bored and didn't feel like seeing me" she thought it would be funny to call security and claim that I was stalking her. There is now a picture of my face at her workplace, and anytime I "pester her again" the cops will show up. FML
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Top comments
anglcdvl89 0
So THAT'S how they say hi in China? No wonder that country is overpopulated...they're just a friendly peoples...
wutupbruh 0
does hi mean something weird in chinese?
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Comments (135)
AkihiroHattori5 0
#21- Bipolarchipmunk? More like sociopathicchipmunk!
Weabo_lotiso 0
you know... in china, the customary way to say "hi" is to rape someone. you didn't know that?
itsgen 16
sooo i dnt get it he said "hi" unless he did more than that but its really not ur fault.. its not like you harassed her if he even did
dabigyellosnake 0
i heard that in china, when u say "hi" u were suppose to grab ur crotch simultaneously to show respect. guess ur girl doesnt understand chinese culture?
AdamGD 0
at first i didn't get this fml but then i realized that he was trying to get her to cheat on you instead of what he said he would do. Lether press charges and sue him.
love_jd13 0
Asshole... Wow, she should DEFINITELY press charges! Don't defend him, she still has to have at least some rights over there. Neither of you need people like that in your lives!
suaveneanderthal 0
lol number twelve said something about a mildy racist but mostly funny comment and then #13 comes right up behind #12 and ***** it in the ass with all the small dicks in china. very nice
Dorque 0
What he hears: "Wow, you really are beautiful!" (Steve told me she was hot, but he really understated it!) What she hears: "Wow, you really are beautiful!" (Who is this strange man and why is he saying such things to me?) This is almost certainly just a misunderstanding.
xThatRandomGirlx 0
When he gets back, you kick his ass!
Eiotlrd 0
go beat his face in!!! he deserves it