Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I discovered that have large "parts" is not all it's cracked up to be, when the girl of my dreams broke up with me because, and I quote, "We tried everything and it just won't fit." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
And her personality.
tipsy2013 24
you must be a show-er, not a grow-er
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Comments (103)
Welshite 40
And her personality.
revan546 24
Hey OP she did say colossal so you still got something going for ya
AnOriginalName 19
And impressive. And sometimes. So that means that there are other times! #32, I think you're on to something here.
KingLewisII 34
Read it again she said "colossal disappointment"
AnOriginalName 19
I don't think you're getting it, 54. Just like OP....
Scotticus117 11
No because your joke is just stupid. She said colossal disappointment. Colossal is an adjective describing the amount of disappointment. So this pun is just terrible. Have a seat.
Lioness8197 18
I didn't realize we were sitting in English class all of a sudden.
Alastor13X 8
You took the words right put of my mouth #1. I'd said something snippy along the lines of "that's funny, your best friend doesn't seem to think so. she keeps coming back for more!" If her best friend is a dude, I would still do it and blow her mind with a level of ****** up she couldn't begin to comprehend.
597mph 10
And the entire relationship.
Lioness8197 18
There are just some things you cannot change. I'm sure you have a wonderful personality. Good luck, OP, hopefully she gets over it.
gracehi 33
Oh geez. Not that lousy consolation prize. "You're overweight, nauseatingly hairy, and smell like feet, but hey! You got a GREAT personality."
iAlissa 34
Well, #57, isn't it a tiny bit better than being overweight, nauseatingly hairy, smelling like feet and having a /bad/ personality? :P
Lioness8197 18
57, that's why I said it lol I'm glad you caught on, I wasn't sure if some would.
HersheySquirts 17
It's not the size of the boat, its the motion of the ocean that matters.
SnowboarderFX 14
And in this case, it's the motion of the ocean that isn't doing it for her
valentinov 15
#80 Really? :|
hitmanoo 16
That's a shame...
shyeahh_fml 19
Yup.
bbambastic 16
Like your comment?
Redoxx_fml 22
It's a shame no one commented on OP's name.
killinpoptarts 9
Oh my god! This whole time we've been thinking he is some knee knocking pool noodle tripod when the whole time he is more like a well endowed baby
japtap81 16
Ouch
dachayke 16
Funny how when a man says something like that, it's "he's a jerk", but when a woman does, it's "ouch". Huh.
Lacist 19
More like what a bitch?
Alicestraza 33
#35 a dude posted "ouch" further down in the comments, I don't see you chastising them.
tipsy2013 24
you must be a show-er, not a grow-er
miller92308 7
ouch that's harsh OP, FYL
w_pony_4ever 15
Oh wow burn!!! Do you need some aloe OP?
ScottEdwards 5
Not aloe. It needs a lot of ice.
dachayke 16
And a new girlfriend.
Nilorak 24
You shouldn't put ice on burns.
JosephMoore77 8
You should Ice burns as long as they're not 3rd degree
nix1993 41
And apparently your relationship. Charming girl, that one. Definitely a keeper.
zandalee 20
Hate to say this as it's so overused but, dump the bitch. Friends like this, who needs enemies?
chocolatefrog28 29
I'd have said "Or like wanting to be in a relationship with you, huh?" and either walked out of the room, or warned her not to let the door hit her on the way out.
alshygirl 14
It's like my husband says: you can't criticize someone for something they were born with. Whether it's small breasts or a small penis. It's what you were born with. Keep your chin up OP
mikbrooke 25
as much as i agree with this, the first thing i thought of was if people were to stay with what they had when they were born, there would be a lot of flat chested women and guys with tiny, tiny penises.
LisaDay 14
she didn't say his size was the problem. he just needs to get more practice and learn how to please his woman. apparently, she actually said it was impressive
sjbartholome 14
@30 She said it seemed impressive. It may have looked impressive before experiencing but having experienced it it is no longer impressive.
TheDrifter 24
going by the username littlefinger I'm thinking its impressive soft size was as big as it got and that the problem wasn't technique related.