Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I discovered that have large "parts" is not all it's cracked up to be, when the girl of my dreams broke up with me because, and I quote, "We tried everything and it just won't fit." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
And her personality.
tipsy2013 24
you must be a show-er, not a grow-er
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Comments (103)
stupidguy1313 6
Ooooohhhhhh burn
x23bzrk 16
i see your username is littlefinger but i would like to point out that this actually sounds like shes fine with the size, you just need to get better at sex
ckerane 16
and your still with her after that ???
angelitared 27
Oh, epic fail!
JMichael 26
Well she obviously just dated you for your dick.
ifunnybatman 8
From what she said it actually sounds like his dick or lack of skill with it may just be the reason they break up not the reason they are together
sdroze1389 31
well despite the fact that she is obviously a Shitty person it seems she is also a spiteful child.
luckyme143 13
No offense OP but she sounds like a bitch.. but maybe that's just the way I see it!
PurelyCanadian 18
Someone is a tad bitter. Who pissed in her cornflakes? Ouch.
JMichael 26
Not his ****. It couldn't rise to the occasion.
KingLewisII 34
You should have said, "maybe you'd enjoy it more if you pulled the stick out your ass first that way they don't compete."
skittyskatbrat 19
You rock. LOVE that reply.....
SheTheOtaku 21
Why don't I know people who make these witty comebacks in real life?
davincidasecond 24
51, personally I always find that I come up with witty comebacks, but only hours after I get insulted ... Don't know why, but goddamn, is it annoying.
worldclassrager 41
If she is willing to pay for some enlargement take it Still it's your body and what you can give if she can't take it that's her problem...
LisaDay 14
maybe it's his skill she is disappointed in, not his size.