Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML
Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML
Today, I discovered that have large "parts" is not all it's cracked up to be, when the girl of my dreams broke up with me because, and I quote, "We tried everything and it just won't fit." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML
Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML
Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
And her personality.
tipsy2013 24
you must be a show-er, not a grow-er
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Comments (103)
_raemichaels 8
Well, ain't she just a ray of sunshine. Sorry about that OP, don't keep that kind of negativity in your life!
Simbaby 23
That's a very rude thing to say to someone.
chidexy 21
Nice vocabulary
an3ph 20
That's what she… wait, what?!
SheTheOtaku 21
Well she's what they call, an absolute frickin Walnut.
sammyjo06 14
Wow. You should not stick around after your girlfriend spoke to you that way. It'll only go downhill from here...
inthisepisodeof 2
HA!
j_cat187 20
Next time you should "finish" in her face.
NoLifeMo11 7
There shouldn't be a next time
Cesar_malik 7
There a reasons why there are pills and alcohol :p
FemskyD 26
Somebody quickly needs to go and get some flowers :)