Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend came back from camping with her friends. I say "friends", I mean "friend". And when I say "friend", I mean "her ex". I took a look through her bag afterwards, and well, who knew condoms were considered camping equipment these days. FML
Today, my mom stole the condoms out of my room and gave them to my little brother because I "won't be needing them anytime soon". FML
Today, I got a package in the mail from my girlfriend. I was really excited until I realized that it was just a box full things that I gave to her. FML
Today, I got off work early to go home and surprise my girlfriend with lunch, only to come home to her in the middle of packing up all of her stuff. FML
Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML
Today, after visiting my mom, she stuffed a bunch of pads in my backpack so I'd have some at my dorm. When I was going through security, I was stopped and ended up missing my flight. Apparently the jumbo pads my mom sent look exactly like packs of cocaine when they go through the X-ray machine. FML
Today, as I was crossing to the US, I got pulled over by border patrol for looking "suspicious". The female cop searched my purse and found a condom. She smirked and said, "I doubt you'd ever need that." FML
Today, I looked on my sister's phone. There was a text from her boyfriend: "Let's go camping again, I bought more condoms so we won't make a big mess this time." Last time they went camping, they borrowed my sleeping bag. FML
Today, I was helping my friend pack her carry on for her vacation. I drove her to the airport, and after her plane took off, I noticed I put my cell phone in her purse. Her vacation is 2 months long. FML
Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML
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Top comments
inkstains 0
#8: "there must be a reason for the abroad program" Yeah, women ONLY travel and go to school to get laid. Right. I'm sure there IS a reason, but it's likely that sex is not her main goal.
marris 0
If you can't take a joke, why'd you give her the condoms in the first place. Seriously, think about a suitcase - who would put condoms on top of their clothes and not in one of the pockets for little items.
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Comments (105)
csigabajnok 0
Tough luck, dude, it happened to me too (not the condom thing, the girlfriend-going-abroad thing) and its definitely not cool :(
trouble1130 0
jeez... I'm glad I'm a lesbian, you boys are too paranoid. dude, it's a joke... don't dish it unless you can take it.
mleeb 0
That's what you get for trying to be funny.
mcnordan 0
How exactly did she say it? that makes all the difference.
SFGuy1977 0
What she doesn't know, is you poked a pin hole in every condom in the box. She's gonna come back pregnant and with the clap. Joke's still on her!
aew002 0
People need to stop psychoanalyzing the writer of the FML and stop analyzing his relationship with his girlfriend.
00Problematic00 0
You just have to think of whether she's the kind of girl that would go behind your back and sleep with a guy she hasn't met yet, or whether she's the kind of girl that's intelligent and spiteful enough to intentionally let you see that she was taking them.
jamieallover 0
idk how she could cheat on her boyfriend when he specifically gave them to her... i mean, every time she grabs a condom she'll remember him. at least i hope she will...
sandy_fml 0
why doesn't she just wear a t-shirt that says "I'm going to cheat on you" across the chest?
kingofthehill 0
HAHAHAHA! sucker!