Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, my girlfriend called my flaccid penis her "little squishy" in a voice like Dory, and became upset when I got aroused because little squishy was gone. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML
Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
GrooveTurtle 0
... -face palm-
zombicidal 11
flaccid sex? the ****?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (483)
kpywell77 0
Sorry bro, but that bitch is just plain dumb
wopandproud 0
What the hell is she thinking?!
Zanquis 22
Well with that that in mind, she will probably stay virgin a long time, I think it is only for the better of the human race that such stupidity does not reproduce. Unfortunatly he will get frustrated and might knock-up someone else later :( That is a shame as he obviously does not understand the stupidity of his fail (and all who defend him dont get it either)
reilyn 10
Tell her to suck it up, it feels good hard.
ForeverGLFan 6
I don't know if your girlfriend is more of an idiot thinking that you can take her virginity with a flaccid penis or you for being stupid enough to date someone that ignorant.
mmblack0599 0
Epic fail dude!
hateevryone 15
she so slow.
pnutbutternjelly 15
I'm guessing she doesn't really get how sex works, does she. That is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard.
supercrack11 1
Only reasonable solution....anal!!
flyer55 3
Booze it up. It's whiskey dick time.