Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML
Today, I was relaxing on the sofa with the cat purring on my lap. My husband blasted an air horn. I'm now covered in cat scratches and piss, from both myself and the cat. I'm going to skin him. FML
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML
Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
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Top comments
TryToBeKind 0
Your girlfriend is either a b**ch, or she is very thoughtless. I would keep this over her head for a long time
swagga0n1oo 0
maybe she is giving you a sign that she wants her "pussy" wet lol!
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Comments (154)
ImTrEvOr 8
LMAO that ****** sucks lol
paixamorparaxx_fml 0
wow your girlfriends a bitch. id scratch her up with my nails and see how she likes it
TexasFalcon 0
That's why I hate freaking cats
yessirfosho 0
I think your gf owes you a little anal to make up for this!
mps1969 8
Um.... if you looked the Op is a women .
yessirfosho 0
Well thats why they make strap-ons!
DogmaT_fml 4
The kitten navy seal- just add water.
Pink_Butterflies 0
Your girlfriend is an asshole.
mps1969 8
Poor thing . But now I got that Wet Pussy song stuck in my head .
emmmilyyy 0
i dont get the whole spraying with the hose, "showing her how cute" you were thing. she has to spray you and the cat to see how cute you are???
CallMeHush 1
******* cats.
o0XMzMayX0o 0
yeahh that's evil but some girls dnt think tru maybe she meant no harm she just thought u could wash him it was his next bath time!