Today, my girlfriend decided it would be a funny idea to spray me with a hose while I was holding a kitten, showing her how cute we were. Needless to say, now I'm covered head to toe in cat scratches. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, I went to clean my cat's litter box, not realizing she was in it. As I lifted the top half of the litter box up, she sprayed me with piss. FML
Toot toot
Today, I was relaxing on the sofa with the cat purring on my lap. My husband blasted an air horn. I'm now covered in cat scratches and piss, from both myself and the cat. I'm going to skin him. FML
Say sorry to Mr Whiskers!
Today, I awoke to my cat sitting on my chest. That wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't tried to get her off. She promptly went crazy and scratched me. My fiancée, who was sleeping next to me, hit me, called me cruel, and told me to apologize to the cat. I did. FML
Poor little guy
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend in my room. About two minutes into it, my cat walks in and jumps on the bed with us. Without hesitation, my girlfriend tells me to stop, rolls over, and starts petting my cat. FML
Boo!
Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because of the scratch marks on my back. I didn't have the nerve to tell her I tried to shower with the cat. FML
Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Top comments
TryToBeKind 0
Your girlfriend is either a b**ch, or she is very thoughtless. I would keep this over her head for a long time
swagga0n1oo 0
maybe she is giving you a sign that she wants her "pussy" wet lol!
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Comments (154)
tiancai 0
Today, my girlfriend... ...by littlespoon (woman) YDI
050294 0
Go **** yourself. Nothing is wrong with gay couples.
tiancai 0
Everything is wrong with them, they're abominations.
WorkThatButt 2
Damm right sexy.
050294 0
Does every gay in the world try to kill or maim every straight person? If so, THEN they are abominations. Stupid bible humper (no offense to any sane Christians)
daydreamstar 7
shut up 26, you obviously havent been loved enough by your own mommy... OP.. uh.... ouch. this is definetly cringe worthy... lotsa of band aids, ice, tetnus shots, and concealer, plus time C:
SenorSiesta 0
they might not even be lesbian, lots of women call their friends girlfriends, at least around here they do.
Fishouttawater13 0
Tiancai, you really need to grow up. Love sees no gender and people who believe otherwise need to reevaluate the importance of sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. People with similar mindsets to you are the reason that things such as slavery and genocide (among many other things), occur. No one's faulting you for having an opinion, but if it's detrimental to someone else, then my advice is to keep your mouth shut. You cannot change love, but you have served to make yourself look like an idiot.
tiancai 0
Ah, I completely forgot about the older usage of "girlfriend" in English. Although I doubt the OP meant it in that sense. #52 why stop there? Love sees no species either, so maybe people should be allowed to fornicate with animals, too? And since PETA and its supporters keep blabbing about "animal rights", perhaps animals should be given the same rights as humans, including the right to marry people and collect tax returns.
emmmilyyy 0
WOW youre one of those? omg if men and men can get married then people are gonna start marrying ANIMALS OMGZ!!! you people are ******* close-minded ignorant idiots. go **** your bible, asshole
SarahN_fml 0
tiancai, with each passing post I have read from you, I've become more and more convinced of your absolute stupidity. PEOPLE have the right to date whoever they choose, regardless of gender, race, etc. You can have your opinion and continue being a dousche all you want, but you need to open your mind and let others live their lives the way THEY want, rather than what YOU feel they should do/be. Who the **** made you God? Noone? Great. Mind your own and don't pass judgements.
Twinklestar 0
tiancai - Same sex couples are consenting to the relationship. Animals are not. Is that such a very difficult concept to grasp?
jlemaire 0
I do not happen to be gay, but the use of the word abomination bothers me. It has clear religious connotations and Jesus would never hate someone or thing for any reason. The fact that you are such a homophobe is ridiculous and it is not as if Gay people have any real effect on you or anyone else. Do you think you would turn gay because you are near a gay man or woman? In closing Jesus loves you, but everyone else knows you are a ****! Get a life because right now all I can say is FYL for being a douche that can't accept the world around him. Homosexuals have been around for a long time and they are never going to go away; I just wish you would.
braeleigh_king 0
you're pathetic. don't start a ******* comment argument where your argumentative and pointless comment is not needed
braeleigh_king 0
@twinkie star
tiancai 0
"Same sex couples are consenting to the relationship. Animals are not. Is that such a very difficult concept to grasp?" The mentally ill cannot consent either. ___ ROFL at the Jesus reference. Why would I care about some 2000 year old jew? Christianity doesn't have monopoly on the word "abomination".
hedgehogs 0
Lose the girlfriend ASAP and try to make it up to the cat. Sorry this happened. And to #99, WILD APPLAUSE!!!
Fishouttawater13 0
Tiancai, before I respond, are you objecting to same sex couples based on moral or religious grounds?
sum1savemeh 0
your a fucktard for saying that. asshole..
sum1savemeh 0
ps tianci. go **** yourself for everything your saying. you prejudiced bitch. don't discriminate. haters like you piss people off. *** you
ohSNAPyall 27
tiancai, you're an abomination.
tiancai 0
#120 I'd say on both.
Yulia_fml 0
I don't understand why people are arguing with tiancai. Would you argue with a schizophrenic person over whether or not his hallucinations are real? Then why argue with a homophobic person over his opinions? Leave him be. Interesting side-note: There has been research published that shows that people who call themselves homophobic get more aroused by watching gay **** than by watching heterosexual ****. Being homophobic can be a way to cover up one's "inappropriate" desires. Just something to think about.
tiancai 0
#143 Эх Юлечка, кому нужны твои «исследования», готов поспорить на сто рублей, что они проводились нигде иначе, как в США (т.е. среди умственно отсталых дегенератов а не нормальных людей). У нас к счастью пока ещё народ не докатился до такого маразма. Вас эмигрантов там похоже качественно обработали пропагандой толерастии, т.к. большинство людей на постсоветском пространстве относятся к гомосятине крайне отрицательно (не знаю до тебя доходили слухи о том, как встретили «гей-парад» в Москве? Если нет то обязательно подивись на ютюбе ;)).
Yulia_fml 0
hahaha ahh you speak Russian. well, it's lucky that I can read Russian, but I can't write it, so I'm answering in English. you might as well call ancient Greece as idiotic as the US, because homosexuality was common then too. go ahead, tell Alexander The Great that he was an abomination. And burn every copy of The Illiad because Achilles was in a gay relationship. You hold the view of my mother's generation when it comes to homosexuality, which is sad for you if you're a young adult because 40 years down the line, your view will not be a part of the majority anymore. laws will be passed allowing gay marriage (at least in the US), and there won't be any way for you to prevent it. if you don't agree with me, that's fine. I'm betting you 100 rublei on it though...our bets will probably cancel each other out. and science is science. yes, American scientists are more likely to conduct such research, but that doesn't make it invalid scientifically. Until you cite a source that deems homosexuality as a mental illness SCIENTIFICALLY, nobody will agree with what you said. by the way, I have a question for you to see which generation you align yourself with more. do you find lesbians disgusting, so if 2 beautiful girls are kissing, you would call it an abomination? or is it just 2 men together or two average-looking women that cause such aversion for you? Lastly, I don't see what point you're making with the gay pride parade in Russia. If someone made an anti-gay parade in San Francisco, it would be received with just as much hatred. Different cultures and subcultures have different standards for what is ok. That's the only point you effectively made.
Yulia_fml 0
ugh, and why am I arguing with you? I just said it's dumb to argue with homophobic people...damn you and your angering opinions.
tiancai 0
Oh, the U.S. is much more degenerate than Greece or any other country has ever been (well, nowadays some Western European countries like the Netherlands can be said to be more degenerate). When the morals of the society plummet further and further, any great empire is bound to fall, which is what happened to ancient Greece and Rome, and the fate which awaits the American empire in the foreseeable future. Hah, for all we know, 40 years down the line America as you know it will no longer exist, and China will be the one dictating its morals to the rest of the world. And I'd say my mentality is closer to the level of your grandparents than your parents, since the latter are clearly much more western than I'll ever be, willing to forsake the motherland and have their child be exposed to the horrible western brainwashing, all for the sake of material gain. I'd rather for my children to grow up in Iran or North Korea than anywhere near the West. They've sure done you a great disservice, bringing you to grow up in the States (and worst of all, in the Bay Area). I've been to SF for a couple of weeks five years ago, it's truly a hell on earth. "laws will be passed allowing gay marriage (at least in the US), and there won't be any way for you to prevent it" Where have you been lately? Don't you know that in some states they already have such laws? (so your bet is as valid as if I bet you that Columbus will discover America, unless you're talking about federal rather than state level). Besides, why would I care or want to prevent it in the U.S.? As I see it, the more degenerate the enemy becomes the better, because the closer it approaches its demise. I wasn't talking about the American scientists themselves, rather their research subjects. Obviously the American population is much more degenerate than the population of non-western countries, so I'm not surprised that they could come to such a conclusion, just that it doesn't apply to the rest of the world. For instance, you said the subjects "identified themselves" as "homophobes". Which means they already view themselves as deviating from the norm, and use the pro-**** lobby's terminology to identify themselves. On the other hand, in non-western countries, nobody identifies himself as a "homophobe", because it's just considered being a normal person. And homosexuality was considered a mental illness by the World Health Organization up until 1990, when it was removed due to the whining of the pro-**** lobby that it offends the poor homos. Also, in the good old Soviet Union it was a criminal offense to engage in homosexuality. Yes, in my opinion lesbians are just as disgusting as their male equivalents. I find the appeal of lesbians to the average western male quite irrational, since he's usually imagining "joining them in the action", while if they are truly lesbians they wouldn't find such an idea the least bit appealing.
Yulia_fml 0
you are in China (according to your profile) and criticizing my mother for leaving the motherland? You are such an idiot. And now you are saying the US is an enemy, supporting Iran and North Korea, and talking about awaiting the US's demise. You are disgusting. Go to hell.
tiancai 0
lmao, looks like my previous posts were cleaned up. You westerners are such hypocrites, always criticizing China for lack of "freedom of speech", but the first to censor anyone who speaks out against a "protected group". As for you Yulechka, you have no idea how disgusting I find emigrants like you who embrace the West and its vile ways. Although it's not really your fault, rather your parent's for bringing you there. Unfortunately, there are many such cases. In any case, you should remove the "I'm Russian" statement from your profile since it's offensive to real Russians, since you like America so much why don't you write that you're an American? And yes, I consider America to be the biggest enemy, when America will get nuked off the face of the earth I will rejoice. What does me being in China have anything to do with it? I'm not an immigrant, just a foreign student in a Chinese university, once I graduate I'll be going back to the motherland. Besides, China is our ally. It's completely unrelated to how your mother betrayed the motherland and defected to the West.
MINDKONTROLLED 0
we are gay
blastvortex 4
Please don't tell me you're still with her.... Anyway, FYL for having a ditzy GF. Also, YDI for getting yourself a ditzy GF.
050294 0
Daww, pit bulls are too sweet to attack a person. (unless it was forced to fight at some point in its life, then it's more likely to get aggressive) My grandmother's is as gentle as a lamb and even cuddles with babies. Use a lion instead. >:3
wowurgay1994 0
haha thts a cool gf
050294 0
Ow, that had to hurt. :(
youthink_fml 0
Your gf is an idiot. Can't you find someone with a little more common sense and/or intelligence?
perdix 31
You lesbians and your pussy stories! They always make me hot, even though I know intellectually that you won't let me in to play with you. Alas!
sxychik 4
your girlfriend is a dumbass
farmgirl 3
F* the kitten's life!! Poor kitty
braeleigh_king 0
agreed, poor kitty! I hope it didn't get wet, that's meaann.
darkmis1 18
This is more of a FthekittensL.