Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate when she pulled me in close and whispered in my ear, "We're getting Chips Ahoy after this." I came. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML
Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML
Today, while in the middle of having sex with my husband, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered, "We are so gonna make pizza after this." FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimate moment. However, he told me we could still keep at it while the oven preheated. FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it, I whispered in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I then heard behind me, "I am." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. She was on top, and then stopped, got off, and said, "Let's go get ice cream." I think this was her way of telling me I suck at sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had sex. Later, she said the highlight of her day was getting a cupcake from the grocery store. FML
Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. As I was beginning to enjoy and really get into it, I heard him say, "Oh my god, this is good shit." I looked up sexily, only to find that he was eating a Twinkie. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML
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Top comments
jamieawhughes 9
if this isn't relationship goals I don't know what is
Dat_Class_Tho 26
And now you know she's the one you are going to marry. I fail to see the problem.
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Comments (35)
Brightbulb 40
I was reading this with my best friend, he popped a boner and insisted we go get cookies. Winning all around!
ners79 9
Faith in Humanity: Restored
that_guy31 12
Goddam i would too
Dominus101 20
She's Definitely a Keeper !
leo1106 15
No problem here. Moving on.
tehlandbear 1
You deserved it?
Rick.0604 6
mmmm.....cookies!
ticklebeard30 7
I mean who wouldn't