Today, I spent over an hour trying to get my niece to sleep and nothing worked. Then my husband got home and yelled, "Listen brat, either sleep now or be buried in the cat's litter box." It worked. She giggled, ran to bed and 30 seconds later she was snoring. What? How? Why? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML
Today, I let my little sister sleep in my room because she had a nightmare. She is currently snoring like an overweight 40 year-old man with a cold. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, I asked my husband for help with a household chore. His response was to fake snore and pretend to be asleep. Later, our toddler pulled the exact same BS when I asked him to pick up his toys. FML
Today, I finally got my fussy newborn back to sleep after the creaking of my chair woke her. I then crept two rooms over and opened a pack of chips, the crinkle of which woke her again. FML
Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got him to sleep, I tried to go to bed. My husband is now snoring, farting and taking up my side of the bed. I desperately need some sleep. FML
Today, my girl and I were in bed trying to nap before class. She kept tossing and turning, obvious signs that she was having no luck. Sweetly, I ask her if there was anything I could do to help her relax. She says "you can tell me a story about your day, that always puts me to sleep". FML
Today, my cat has made a habit of waking me and my husband up every morning by meowing in front of our bedroom door until we get up. This morning, I finally got her to stop, so I went back to bed hoping to sleep in for a while… Only to be kept awake by my husband’s snoring. FML
Tonight, my 7-year-old begged me for a bedtime story. Ten minutes in, I was the one nodding off while he was wide awake. I fell asleep mid-sentence because he gently shook me and said, “Mom, you snore like a Grandpa.” Then he asked if I could “try again but stay awake this time.” FML
Today, in the middle of the night, my girlfriend whispered "Are you asleep?" I chose not to respond, to see what she'd do. She then let rip a loud, stinking fart, giggled, and went back to sleep. FML
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Top comments
lifeis4me 20
Maybe she listens better to someone who sounds authoritative. Were you politely asking her to go to bed or actually telling her?
Grizz8831 14
who is she directly related to? it could be that she is pushing back on you if she grew up with you Prior to your SO. or that you don't sound authoritative enough. Guys tend to have a deeper rougher voice so it is easier, same with animal's we had 2 dogs that would not listen to my mother or sister or my high pitched brother... And... if you are not blood related but he is, then she could be pushing boundaries.
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Comments (5)
millsjoshua949 12
Kids have a tendency to listen to a man. It's really infuriating.
IHaveThePower 18
Not really, kids will listen to whoever they think gives good orders. In this case, I suspect it's just funny hearing a grown-up say 'naughty' things. If you haven't tried the joy of the censored 'Go the (bleep) to sleep' with a kid, I highly recommend it.
mccuish 25
Red flag
lifeis4me 20
Maybe she listens better to someone who sounds authoritative. Were you politely asking her to go to bed or actually telling her?
Grizz8831 14
who is she directly related to? it could be that she is pushing back on you if she grew up with you Prior to your SO. or that you don't sound authoritative enough. Guys tend to have a deeper rougher voice so it is easier, same with animal's we had 2 dogs that would not listen to my mother or sister or my high pitched brother... And... if you are not blood related but he is, then she could be pushing boundaries.
Dellarica Bingelli 3
Yikes- I hope you don’t have kids with that jerk. Not before some major anger management and parenting courses, geez. You don’t speak to children like that. If it’s not okay to say (or scream) to adults, it’s sure as hell not okay to say to kids. That kind of behavior is a giant red flag.
BurnInDemonFire 39
What are you on about? The damn kid herself found it funny, and it was clearly said in jest. Most adults would get this, which begs the question of why you and mccuish have missed it.