Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after I unfortunately woke up too early and too quietly at my new-ish boyfriend's place (we've been together for about a month), I walked into his bathroom to discover that he's one of those freaks who drinks his own piss every morning. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years drunkenly proposed to me, while sitting on the crapper, with the door open. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML
Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML
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Top comments
Monikabug 9
And? Less cleaning for you!
Luckster 0
Actually, it's a very intelligent design, having the toilet next to the sink. I had food poisoning once and I was SOO happy our bathroom was designed in such a way that I didn't need to worry about guessing which side was next to spew. Horrible time...haven't eaten tomatoes ever since....
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Comments (126)
saucyfizzle 0
is that what he told the realtor to look for
KurouTenshi 0
this isn't an FML, it's an MHFR! (My Husband ******* Rocks) and in optional parenthesis: (ICWTSHDAMHASFBSCABA) meaning: (I Can't Wait To Suck His Dick And Make Him A Sammich For Being So Considerate And Bad Ass)
masterblaster39 0
Strange yet functional.........win for him.
drugsandhugs 0
then you obviously have no idea how convenient that is
goonie85 0
Strategic emesis. Brilliant.
BeatNik169 3
Amazing how that's all one sentence.
theeBeezWaXx 0
haha what an idiot!
Kockdiesel 0
who's paying for the house? if it's him and you are a stay at home wife...stfu and let him pick the house.
Craw25 0
awesome, you found a very smart man
Q____ueen101 0
i can do that at my house too! it coms in handy!