Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after I unfortunately woke up too early and too quietly at my new-ish boyfriend's place (we've been together for about a month), I walked into his bathroom to discover that he's one of those freaks who drinks his own piss every morning. FML
Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML
Today, I was stuck crouching over the toilet after a night of drinking. My fiancé walked in, gathered my hair, and held it out of the way. When another wave of nausea hit me and I leaned in, he shoved my face into the bowl and ran out, laughing and yelling, "That'll teach ya!" FML
Today, my boyfriend got so drunk that he was sick in the taxi, sick on me, then sick on himself when he was sitting on the toilet. What's more, I can't get into bed because he's been sick all over my half of the bed. So I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight. FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years drunkenly proposed to me, while sitting on the crapper, with the door open. FML
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, I let my boyfriend sleep over at my house for the first time. Upon arriving, he tossed his stuff on the floor and said "I gotta take a piss, where's your shower?" FML
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML
Today, I reached a new low in my relationship: my boyfriend got so drunk I had to help him take a piss. FML
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Top comments
Monikabug 9
And? Less cleaning for you!
Luckster 0
Actually, it's a very intelligent design, having the toilet next to the sink. I had food poisoning once and I was SOO happy our bathroom was designed in such a way that I didn't need to worry about guessing which side was next to spew. Horrible time...haven't eaten tomatoes ever since....
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Comments (126)
lky830 0
sounds like a practical man. how is this an fml?
sublime93 0
That he's the kind that will drink himself into that situation...alcoholic... hence the fml.
lky830 0
not necessarily. maybe the op is just against alcohol in general. a night that ends up in puking doesn't mean you're an alcoholic. drunk happens, after all.
fisheatsbear 6
that sounds like a brilliant way to decide this sort of thing. I mean, if your going to be partying a lot then this is a very sound decision.
Eddie_Paints 0
Now that's planning ahead, not bad for an Alcoholic!
TooBored13 0
Hey 60, no one said he was going to meetings, so he's not an Alcoholic, he goes to bars, so he is just a Drunk.
coldblood 4
damn..... five seconds after a couple new ones were posted i lod off i never got the no. one spot
Monikabug 9
Want to cry about it? I will lend you my stuffed Cry-ceratops.
fisheatsbear 6
American dad reference ftw
Ruminati 0
He sounds like a real winner.
McFail_fml 4
Op I'm guessing you're really mad that there were no houses with a kitchen in the bedroom for you.
Magdaa_fml 0
lmao!
wiiareonfire 0
win.
ravensunnyd 0
is he calling her fat?
intolerance 0
he's a keeper!
aback 5
Might want to extend that engagement indefinitely.
Erindub 0
Ha ha my bathroom is set up like this but its not why I decided on renting my apt. I was super excited its only 2 blocks from the beach. Silly me ; )
1990TD 6
happy you :-D
PsychoMerk 0
can't u just get like one of those mini trash can thingies? 0_o
Monikabug 9
He could, but then he would have to clean the trashcan.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
ever heard of a trashbag? XD
boreddoubletears 0
Bucket.
PsychoMerk 0
or he can spread eagle and puke between his legs INTO the toilet as well >_>
angrynegro7 16
Good idea! I'm sure OP will want to have sex with him after he gets vomit all over his twig and berries! LOL
saranottelling 7
He sounds very smart and considerate. He didn't want you to clean up his vomit, what's wrong with that? He sounds like one classy dude.