Today, I was excited to sleep in on my day off. My girlfriend woke me up at 6 am. To bring up an argument from a week ago. An argument about salad dressing. FML
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Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up early and made my boyfriend french toast. When he woke up, he yelled at me because it was his dish day and I was creating more dishes for him to do. He made me do the dishes. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me at 5am, just to say how great it was that I could still sleep two more hours before leaving for work. FML
Today, getting tired of my usual turkey/tuna salad/chicken sandwiches, I made a pot of soup to take to work for lunch. My girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night to forage for snacks, spilled it all over the floor, and woke me up to clean it. FML
Today, I woke up early to do the dishes and clean up, after having people over yesterday. Now my wife is mad at me because I didn't stay in bed with her longer. FML
Today, I finally had a day off in two weeks and I was excited about getting to sleep in. At 5 a.m., my mom loudly knocked and came in. When I asked her what she wanted, she said she was checking to see if I was asleep. FML
Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5am to tell me she was mad at me. Apparently I did something bad in her dream. She still won't talk to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me I could sleep in. Twenty minutes later, she was banging on the door, yelling, "Get up, fat lazy fuck! It's seven o'clock, we have chores! You expect me to do everything for your worthless ass!" FML
Today, I woke up to a punch in the face. My girlfriend said it was because she dreamed that I'd bought all her friends Taco Bell but didn't bring her anything. FML
Today, my girlfriend is angry with me. We had an argument on how to properly eat an Oreo. FML
Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML
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Top comments
Brightside86 31
$50 says she'll hold on to things for decades and bring them up to try and "win" future unrelated arguments.
RichardPencil 32
Balsamic vinegar is moldy bullshit. Ranch is overrated. And Thousand Island is, by far, the obvious GOAT of salad dressings. You've got to stand for something, buddy. ******' Putin is trying to push Russian dressing, but the pickle relish makes all the difference!
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Comments (6)
RichardPencil 32
Balsamic vinegar is moldy bullshit. Ranch is overrated. And Thousand Island is, by far, the obvious GOAT of salad dressings. You've got to stand for something, buddy. ******' Putin is trying to push Russian dressing, but the pickle relish makes all the difference!
Nico97 3
sounds like y’all have some maturing to do.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Salad dressing is better when fresh
Brightside86 31
$50 says she'll hold on to things for decades and bring them up to try and "win" future unrelated arguments.
Nico97 3
pull the rip cord!
Chazzster 32
You have my sympathy. Hopefully there are more than enough good things about the relationship to make up for the insanity…
poopface82 25
The more dead a relationship is, the dumber the fights become. Just break up and move on.
RichardPencil 32
If that's true. They are destined to years of bliss! The salad dressing wars are very consequential. There's only so much room in the fridge so it's critical to not waste space on inferior dressings. I have a wireless webcam trained on my Thousand Island so I can check on its level when I'm at the grocery store. Or just look at it.
historygrad74 19
Dump her. Period. Sleep is sacred.