Today, my eyesight is getting terrible. I saw a white cat in front of my house, so I went up to it. To my delight it didn’t move, so I bent down to stroke it. Wrong call, it was a plastic bag. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was reading in my bed, and my cat was lying on my chest. I noticed something white on my cat's leg. I'm far-sighted and wasn't wearing my glasses, so I didn't see what it was. I touched it and put on my glasses. Turns out it was a worm hanging out of my cat's anus. It started wiggling. FML
Today, I was driving at night and saw a small animal run across the road. I slammed on my brakes and got rear-ended. The animal turned out to be a plastic grocery bag. FML
Today, I was out walking my dog. After he took a dump, I went to pick it up but my glasses fell right in his poop. I didn’t have tissue, just the plastic bag. FML
Today, I spotted my neighbour's cat sitting on their front garden. I bent over and began walking towards it with my hand out saying, "Hello pussycat!" I was only a few feet away when I realised I was talking to a white bag of sand. I turned to see my family in hysterics. FML
Today, my cat ran outside. As I ran around the side of my house to get her, I felt a gigantic spiderweb land on my face. I also felt a light thud on my eye and it started to tear up. I ran inside and looked in a mirror, the spider was in my eye. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, I was cleaning mouse remains from the kitchen floor, left by my cat. I found a small round thing nearby. With no idea what it was, I picked it up and gave it a little squeeze to see if it was solid. It wasn't, and burst with great force onto my face. I'm pretty sure it was an eye. FML
Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML
Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML
Today, I saw a pair of eyes looking at me from my closet. Realizing it must be my cat, I called her. She immediately came out from under my bed. I can't find anything in my closet. FML
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Top comments
Tarlachia 33
Own it like you're awesome and you know it. Take a sharpie and draw a cat's face on it, sit down on the ground and pet the kitty. Be sure to meow in reply to yourself for bonus points!
takeittoem 8
At least it wasn't a porcupine or a skunk....
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Comments (33)
Joshawott 21
You could have pretended that you simply being environmentally friendly and picked it up, but nope, you just had to out yourself the world here :P
Druu 53
This is how my parents discovered that I needed glasses. As a child, I pointed out a black cat, which was actually a bag of garbage.
candyndanny 10
i did that once...it was pitch black in our back yard thought it was piggy our cat...nope it was a possum...
blairiofosterio1 10
This is about as good as I get at finding pussy
species4872 20
BREAKING NEWS Man finds new species of cat, Astounds scientific community. Neighbor claims hoax; It just looks like a plastic bag to me, says neighbor, Although I can't explain why it started purring when I got closer. Scientists at the Institute for advanced Feline studies say that we may very well have a new species apparently with an uncanny ability for camouflage. More details at eleven plus sport and weather.
Fuxxxer 11
how stupid are you... Little Dumbfucking Twat Sucker
mercyelvira42 23
At least it wasn't a sewer rat like in Adventures in Babysitting
DeviousDreamer 13
Please, for the love of god, have someone drive you to an optometrist and refrain from using heavy machinery!
shannon2348 14
If you cant tell a cat from a plastic bag while standing right next to it then I'd say you're legally blind. What I dont get is how are you even able to see to post on fml??