Today, my dogs freaked out and started getting violent because they thought the sound of my vibrator was the other's growling. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML
Today, my boyfriend's vicious dog, which he got as a security measure and growls and barks at me whenever I go near it, was caught on our security camera playing like a puppy with a burglar, while the other two burglars cleaned out all our valuables. FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML
Today, I realized that the only place my missing vibrator can be is at the house of the people I just dogsat for. In their spare room. Which also serves as their kids' playroom. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
Today, and for the past week, my dog has started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML
Today, I finally got the hearing aids that I've needed for years. My dog quickly learned that if he quietly sneaks up behind me and barks, it'll scare the hell out of me. It's now his favorite game. FML
Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML
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Top comments
Enslaved 38
Or they thought it was a pussy purring?
colton_colton 50
Maybe they're trying to tell you something
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Comments (96)
colton_colton 50
Maybe they're trying to tell you something
ThunderTheRad 14
They're saying that masturbating is ******* gross and bad for you.
SuckMeBeautifu1 24
46... Whats wrong with you
applebramble 22
Why would OP use the vibrator in front of her dogs anyway? I hope she was just testing if it works, otherwise that's just weird as ****...
Wakachulak 22
Doesn't have to be in front of them. Dogs have good hearing, it just needs to be in the same house.
julako 22
#61 "weird as ****" I like that.
dingleberrysteve 6
i dont get how its weird... its not like they understand it. its different if op gets off on it though tbh.
SneezyBear 27
79... you seriously don't feel slightly weird when you're naked around your pets? I feel really awkward whenever my cat stares at me while I'm naked after a shower/changing or w.e Not that OP was necessarily naked or fully naked, but still o.O
outoftown 27
88 - You're not really the Alpha in the house until you can stare your pets down while buck naked and dripping!
smokecloud_ 37
I don't get being uncomfortable being naked in front of animals. They're always naked, how do you think they feel? :p
Enslaved 38
Or they thought it was a pussy purring?
fmlxxsb 6
thats nasty
BMTHsuperfan 18
im sure there was a pussy purring in that room if the dogs didnt completely ruin the occasion ;p
JMichael 26
Oh I'm sure they ruined the occasion.
tazmanmike2013 17
Great comment! One of the best puns I've read in here yet, lol
stevothedevo 25
Wasn't a pun..
SexPot143 13
Why would you use it with the digs in the room? sick
Welshite 40
Hey, holes are sexy. Wait...
weveallbeenthere 30
why, its not like other people are there , its dogs
EmeraldRarity 8
maybe shes into dogs, Just kiidding
mrz1177 11
maybe they're jealous you get some action and they don't ;)
SarahSehhati 40
New chew toy!!!!!
Nickb55 16
Dogs don't like ******* ;)
cyttex 13
Due to your winky face I understand..
IAmNotAnAnimal 9
They sell those?
MurphyGallagher 18
My ex boyfriends dog tried to eat my vibrator. Then ate all of my pants and panties... I'd choose the growling and fighting any day lol
fmlxxsb 6
your ex is a good dog trainer
Goblin182 27
When I first read your post, I read your ex boyfriend ate your vibrator. I thought, Damn!. Then I realized I just need more coffee.
GingerRoot 13
I had that same issue.... Was VERY annoying!
skittle_QUEEN_YO 15
My god what is with everyones boyfriends and eating vibrators i heard of kinks but danm is that extreme
MurphyGallagher 18
I came very close to killing his dog after I realized that he ate $300 worth of pants an panties. I made my ex replace it all.
Enslaved 38
Yeah, they're called ******.
annie_nk 23
Maybe have your dogs sleep in a different room?