Anonymous
United States
Today, my daughter decided to drench our carpets with water, to "make them grow like plants". She's 9. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
United States
Malding
Today, while reading my girlfriend's kids a story, her daughter started pouring a tiny watering can on my head. When I asked her what she was doing, she said, "Watering your head so your hair grows back". I'm twenty-seven. FML
...
San Francisco, United States
Home improvement
Today, I found my 6 year-old daughter upstairs, lying on the floor with scissors. She was giving, "the carpet a haircut." FML
baldspot
Australia
Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML
Getthelysol
Today, I gave my 8-month-old a bath in the kitchen sink after dinner, like I always do. Today, she decided to poop in it. FML
Mom2grls808
United States
Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month-old on the (carpeted) floor in the living room. When I woke up, my daughter had bombed her diaper, and her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen. FML
andrea
Denver, United States
Moldy excuse
Today, my idiot daughter has allowed mold to grow in her shower. Her excuse? She thought it was just some “stains” that wouldn’t come out. Yeah, I don’t believe that. I think she knew it was mold and just didn’t care. FML
Anonymous
Showtime!
Today, my daughter decided to make popcorn and for some reason she thought the bag of seeds was for one portion's worth, so she poured the whole damn bag into our popcorn maker and filled half the kitchen floor. It now smells like a cinema lobby. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I came home to find my younger daughter left her silly band collection on the carpet in front of the fireplace. I now have melted unicorns and princesses stuck in my carpet. FML
Jane
This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff
Niagara Falls, Canada
Welcome to adulthood
Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML
Connie
RIP in peace
Today, my daughter decided it was a good day to put a bath bomb in the aquarium so the fish could have a relaxing bath with cool pink water. She didn’t know the fish would end up being killed. She’s 16. FML
Top comments
Calingaladha 21
I've seen much worse decisions out of nine year olds...at least she wasn't watering plants like a dog...
taymichele16 15
Make her add shampoo now it's a free service
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Comments (52)
_Adog2645 24
Then buy her some damn plants
Rykers 18
Because watering the carpets is a cry for help to buy more plants?
IBlucker 3
She could actually be smart by creating a "nice" story about growing the carpet (?) instead of admitting that she simply let the waterbottle fall...
Tarlachia 33
Believe it or not, there's an option to buy carpet from Home Depot that looks like exactly like grass. You had that in your home, didn't you, OP?
ragnarok1540 39
Just be glad she didn't shit on the carpet and call it fertilizer ...
Arcanel 18
Hey man she is a kid can't be too mad. We all did dumb shit growing up.
BodyElectric 18
As her if she grows when water is dumped on her. Demonstrate, if necessary.
steinwrangler 4
just think of all the money you will save on university
blackrose1996 11
9 is plenty young enough for imagination to run wild
CourtneyPaigee16 13
What if it actually worked? She could have started her own carpet business because no one else ever thought of watering their carpet. With the same logic she would just start watering everything- including herself.
Tarlachia 33
If it were true, then the times I am called to clean floods that are a half a foot deep in water due to a broken water heater, busted pipe, overflowing toilet, or leaking AC system; I should be walking into forests. At best, the carpet is simply wet. At worst (and I've seen this) mold covers the entire walls and furniture. Or; since we're all sliding down the rabbit hole; perhaps I'm employed by a company hell bent on global drought enforcement!
Atmey 5
I think we did more stupid things when were kids, my brothers were trying to light up the carpet.