Today, my daughter and I were at a school carnival. At the face painting station, she sat down and asked for a kitty on her face. Next, she shoved me on a chair and whispered something into the lady's ear. I ended up with a 'black eye' by request of my own daughter. She's 4. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML
Today, I helped out with makeup at my daughter's high school play. As one girl walked past, I told her that she'd smudged pink lipstick all up the side of her face. Turns out it was a birthmark. She cried in the dressing room for half an hour. FML
Today, my daughter and I went to the carnival and had our faces painted. When we returned home hours later, I realized I have a deep sunburn all around my face, except for the skin under the paint in the shape of a gecko. FML
Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML
Today, I was at my 3 year-old niece's birthday party. I was swinging on their swing set when she walked directly into my path. I tried to jump off the swing, but I could not stop myself in time. I ended up kicking her in the face and giving her a black eye. Happy birthday! FML
Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML
Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year-old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit, and she screamed, "Don't touch me there!" Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML
Today, my 6 year-old daughter got mad at me for not buying her yet another expensive doll. I had to pull her away, and she started screaming for help. The next thing I know, another shopper puts me in a chokehold and calls for security, all while my daughter smirks. FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's school saying that she had beat someone up. She's 4. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
pancakelover 0
At least she didn't ask her to paint a penis on your face.
rukusrazor 0
Wouldn't you have thought something or asked while they were painting around your eye?
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Comments (88)
genius_man16 1
I don't get it Either this is an FML because your daughter knows that your husband beats you or something (real FML) or it just doesn't make any sense whatsoever.
mrose57 0
Better get a lid on the kid before it's too late.
AnnieSure 0
What's your daughters problem?
takpaan 6
what's ur prob, can't a kid have a lil fun? hate to be ur kid some day
ecilart 0
#3 - the daughter wanted the face painter to draw a black eye on the OP's face
gtdoll 0
Hahaha :) she's smart and funny Isn't really an fml though
emer_helena 0
At least she didn't ask the face painting lady to give you a real black eye. That would suck
Ohnoitslindsay 0
Your daughter is clever.
gtdoll 0
Lololola :) she's smart and funny
CapriceClassic 0
Seriously? She's 4 and was able to "shove" you? AND on top of that, she requested a black eye drawn on your face? Clearly there's no parent/child understanding of which one is which. I'm guessing you'll be on a Maury Povich show entitled "parental abuse" or "I'm 13 and I want to have a baby" before she's 15.
save_me_08 0
I doubt it was like a bodily shove more like the daughter did something along the lines of "come on mommy your turn" while 'pushing' her towards the chair... Of course, considering she 'gave you' a black eye, perhaps it was a legit shove...