Today, my date asked me if I enjoyed golden showers. We were in the middle of making out, and it was our first date, which I thought was going well. I guess when things seem too good to be true, they really are. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, after having an amazing first date with my long time crush, we ended up going out to dinner. We shared a meal, and it was delicious! This would have been the ultimate dream come true... Except for the part about me throwing up in his car on the way back home. FML
Today, I was taking a shower with my new boyfriend for the first time. Last night was the first night we spent together. As I was washing my hair, I looked down at my feet and noticed yellow water. Some of the warm water I felt on my feet was not from the shower head. FML
Today, I was on a first date with a girl at a lake. I felt my stomach rumble and knew I couldn’t make it to shore, so I dropped into the water and had violently diarrhea in the water. It started to bubble, and so I started splashing around, saying, “It’s cold” while she swam around me, in my shit water. I’ve never told her. FML
Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite some time. I'd drank a lot of water, so I wouldn't eat so much on the date and look like a pig. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how funny this guy really was. He made me laugh so hard, I peed all over myself. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
Today, I had a date with a guy I’ve known casually for a few weeks. Everything was OK, until he asked me to come back to his place because he had something “to share with me.” Apparently, he’s double jointed, because his mouth reaches below his waist. He even finished. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. The first words that came out of his mouth were, "Rape isn't that bad if you think about it." FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
I’ll bet you were pissed off!
BigSissy 14
I was going to say I don’t know how people can even make an effort to date these days, but I realize it was pretty much the same when I was dating – 40 years ago. 😬
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Comments (19)
BigSissy 14
I was going to say I don’t know how people can even make an effort to date these days, but I realize it was pretty much the same when I was dating – 40 years ago. 😬
jbuckets_404 39
Wait, what? How does the idea of even being married - much less for 50 years - even come up on a first date??? /s [As already alluded to by the first 2 words of this comment.]
Hannah Eder 16
I.....I dont think you know what golden showers are, unless this was sarcasm.
Spootage 4
Making it 50 years as a couple is an incredible accomplishment—and one that should be acknowledged and celebrated with meaningful gifts. The traditional 50 year anniversary gift is gold.
404wan 19
A golden shower is when you piss on someone. Doesnt have much to do with marriage.
mas12806 24
You were already ahead of schedule, so…
RichardPencil 32
Stainless steel is a much better material for showers than gold!
jbuckets_404 39
Oh, are they making umbrellas completely from that now??? Not sure I'd like to listen to the sound of THAT "rainfall...."
Wadlaen 24
And as we're all wondering: What did you answer him?
RichardPencil 32
I’ll bet you were pissed off!
MN_girl21 7
Better than being pissed on!
RichardPencil 32
She could be both!
Rusty Armstrong 13
Better to be pissed off than pissed on. Unless you're in to that...
ThatOneLonelyAsian 31
I wouldn't sleep with someone on first date nvm peeing on someone
TCRII 30
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Mungolikecandy 19
At least you found out early before you had too much investment.
alycion 39
At least he asked first? Trying to find a bright spot.