Today, my date arrived far earlier than expected to pick me up. Apparently my mother decided to show him to my room anyway. When the door swung open, I happened to be butt naked in front of the mirror, trying to pick out an ingrown hair on my bum. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. We hit it off, and he invited me back to his place. As soon as we got there, his mother came out of nowhere and started interrogating me about "my intentions." FML
Today, a woman turned up uninvited at my house, ready for our first date. After some embarrassed investigating, it turns out my mother signed me up to Tinder and arranged a date, all without telling me, because she refuses to believe I prefer solitude over dating. FML
Today, I went on blind date with a guy because both our moms thought we'd like each other. Things were going really well until I got up to go to the bathroom and he says, "My mom was right, you do have perfect breedin' hips!" FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house and we were just about to kiss. Until his mum walked in saying his girlfriend was at the door. I thought I was already there. FML
Today, my boyfriend picked me up to take me on a date. Just as we were about to drive away, my dad ran out of the house in his underwear and started yelling that he'd kill my boyfriend if I wasn't back home within the hour. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, when I needed the loo. The door was ajar, so I walked into his bathroom, sat down, and started to pee. I then looked up to see the shocked face of his dad sitting naked in the bath. FML
Today, a woman had a wardrobe malfunction right in front of me. As if that's not awkward enough, that woman was my own mother. FML
Today, my mother showed up to pick something up from my house. I was sleeping and before I knew it she was in my bedroom, jumping on my bed, saying hi to my ex-girlfriend who she thought was with me. It wasn't my ex, and I doubt that girl will ever want to hang out again after that awkward morning. FML
Today, my new friend and I went out to a concert. When we came back to her house, she ran upstairs and left me alone. Suddenly, a naked man came into my view and I stared at him, horrified. Great way to meet her Dad. FML
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Top comments
zOMGitsdc 0
Please tell me this wasn't a first date.. cause if you are concerned with an ingrown hair on your ass for a first date, you have issues.
DJ_Grim 0
You should have just looked at them and said with a straight face "Well, can you help?".
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Comments (135)
revezone 0
first! that being said... thats the kind of stuff u do in the bathroom... well, at least now any future amorous encounters will be less awkward as he's already seen u in ur birthday suit
Reyo 2
I'm questioning why you didn't have your door closed. I won't even risk my PARENTS seeing me do harmless stuff like going number one.
myballs 0
Are you illiterate? "When the door swung open" alludes to the fact that THE ******* DOOR WAS CLOSED. And OP, holy crap that is a true FML.
blondeONblonde13 0
l.m.a.o. #30 LOVE it. this made me faLL oFF mY cHaIR.
GrapefruitZoe 0
You don't have to worry about being naked in your own room! Or you shouldn't have to worry, anyway.
beethoven_fml 0
wow #30 so hateful
crazytoaster 2
Well, my parents bash on the door then just swing it open. It's a common occurrence. One time while getting changed my dad bashed on the door and attempted to come in. I pushed the door right back sending him out of the room and shouted "I’m getting changed, **** off for a second".
youreanidiot 0
your parents tolerate you yelling "**** off" at them? Aren't you a little ungrateful shit... If I was a parent I wouldn't want my kid telling me to "**** off" after knocking on their door in my own house...
FarSide 23
I am with #73. If I had told either of my parents "**** Off" it would have been "Teeth Out" for me.
Trebie 6
Lol, I agree, telling your parents to "**** off" would NOT be acceptable in my home... But, I agree with you #69 on that being annoying. My dad has this habit of knocking on the door and pausing until I say "Hang on a second"... And then just coming in. And my mom always just barges in. Even though I always knock and wait for a response from them when trying to enter their room.
gods_hunter10 0
omfg if I said **** off to my parents.... all my shit in my room gone no comp or shit! my ass would be so red!!
cmac86 24
I agree with 73, if I ever said that to my parents I would be picking my mouth up off the floor from another state! imagine daffy ducks bill when he got it shot off- it'd be like that. and op- unless you're a land manatee, which being Australian I doubt (better diet than we Americans) I'm sure your date loved it....except the hair part. gross.
victoria4161993 0
ew who grows hair on their ass
jamesispro_fml 0
I like hairy butts and I can not lie my brothers and I can't deny when a girl walks in with a hairy ass you get a BONER.
sammeeleigh8 0
at least you dad ATTEMPTS to knock. my father walks stealthily down my hallway and opens the door quickly to catch me if I am doing something wrong. he has come in on me naked before and I bitched him out b/c he deserves it.
zOMGitsdc 0
Please tell me this wasn't a first date.. cause if you are concerned with an ingrown hair on your ass for a first date, you have issues.
plutosaplanet 0
she didnt say she needed it removed for the date...she was just trying to remove it.....havent you ever had to pluck a hair and you do it when you remember and have time. gosh
ElMundio87 0
honestly? no
8trickster8 0
GOSH GUYS GET IT RIGHT
kxs401 0
Ingrown hairs can hurt. And chicks who put out on the first date are awesome. I should know, I am one.
Six_and_the_Moon 3
Know what else is awesome? Syphilis.
Veunz 4
That's kinda slutty. Yea easy sex is ... easy, but it's just a red flag. My first girlfriend said she wanted to make love to me at the end of our first week after meeting. We got in a 2 year relationship. The last 7 months of it she was putting out within the first week to five others. Just saying, girl that puts out that fast is a major red flag!
zOMGitsdc 0
mmmno. ive never had an ingrown hair. thanksss..
cassiieeX22 0
if I told them that, my parents would take turns THROWING me through walls and tables then I would be rushed to the emergency room and they would tell me that since I'm so disrespectful I should find new parents..and I'm serious they would..
noobopolis 0
well i think we have a winner here for this weeks most sluttiest comment! congratulations
Gravitational 8
Well Then.... What now..
Hellcrapdamn 0
Did you post about your hair on facebook? I just saw something extremely similar on Lamebook. http://www.lamebook.com/butt-seriously-folks Coincidence? Or Fake?
mangobells 0
You need a lock on your door! btw first?
testing_fml 0
not-first fail.
Bansheethekilla 2
what if the door dosnt have a lockl, mine doesnt
arienh4 0
Then, as the comment above you said, she NEEDS a lock on her door.
Annettepierce 0
my mom would never allow me to have a lock on my door! some parents are like that. btw... first fail.
Trolliolio 6
Gosh you guys are lucky.. I don't even have a door! :'(
videokid2000 10
My parents never gave my room a door because they wanted to make sure nothing happened. I'm in a wheelchair. What is going to happen?! My sister has a door, she's not in a wheelchair.
ablueshka 0
Dude if there was no door to my room and I was in a wheelchair I would flip the **** out at ma paps
avfcfan89 0
you must be expecting a fun night on your first date. if i was him, i would have left and said that's ******* gross.
BigK_Diet_Cola 1
Hopefully, since the cat was out of the bag anyway, you asked for some help.
The_Pleb 0
Sorry perdix but your or so clever comment has confused me. Please explain it to me?..... in english. thankyou.
dwindling81 0
WIN
kariface 0
Play on "bum"
Veritas143 0
haha great now I'm imagining some naked lady picking at an ingrown hair on a hobo..thanks
perdix 31
OK, The_pleb, In British English-speaking countries, "bum" is slang for the buttocks. In America, we use the word to mean a beggar, a hobo, an unemployed transient. I pretended that I wasn't aware of that different meaning of the word "bum."
blondeONblonde13 0
LOLOLOLOLOL
SeximusPrime 0
oh ROFL, sucks to be you.
DJ_Grim 0
You should have just looked at them and said with a straight face "Well, can you help?".
myfriend_youfail 3
And this is why people should learn to knock before they enter someone's private room...God only knows what the person in there is doing. On the bright side, hopefully he liked what he saw? Besides you plucking at an ingrown hair, of course...
s1w1111 2
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Okay, learn English - it's not "butt naked", it's "buck naked".
kariface 0
Only if you **** your cousins is it "buck naked".
mj2123 0
Both are acceptable. Don't be an asshole. Oh, sorry. Arsehole.
testing_fml 0
is there such a thing as proper english with a bloody idiom? and the only proper version is "buck"? what are you, from west virginia?
Skull_300 0
What the **** is wrong with West Virginia?
latkematzoball 0
skull_300: a LOT.... :D
jln22 0
There's a lot wrong with West Virginia.
ShadowlessSpear 21
Is everyone going to ignore the fact that you bums missed the joke?