Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it was. He just paused, turned to look me in the eye, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML
Today, my boyfriend crossed a line with his bullshit "jokes". At dinner, he once again annoyed my dad by insisting that the "AR" in "AR-15" means "assault rifle". My dad is an NRA gun nut, so he finally blew up and told him that he was going to "AR his nuts if he didn't quit fucking with him." FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, whenever my dad says something and I (genuinely) don't hear him, he repeats it in an extremely slow and condescending manner. My family says I should "get a sense of humor" because I'm rightfully pissed about this. FML
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Top comments
cherries62212 16
well... that escalated quickly...
JellyBalls 18
Respect your parents.
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Comments (185)
laden_swallow09 35
At least he used it right!
BugzBunni 1
Your dad is a boss! :D First FML that actually made me laugh out loud in a while! :)
Sonotsuave 37
Okay you dont need to 'lose your shit' but i know how you feel. Every time I'm cooking in the kitchen my dad swings around, says "What are you making for me?" and makes me feel like a maid.
xxsakuraxx 29
Thats okay. Once I was in the room with my dad while he was on the phone and I made a tick mark on a pad of paper for every time he said 'you know.' In less than five minutes I had over fifty tick marks.
onorexveritas 24
my dad does that too... I've learned to live with it
iwadasn 33
You really need to relax. My dad quotes Caddyshack all the time and I don't care, because why should I?
PhishloverA 14
Well, it did escalate pretty quickly.
Kn0wledge123 21
This is funniest FML I've read in a while. Your dad is awesome!!
eab63 1
First off its "boy" and not "well". Next, this was used in a movie before it became a stupid meme. Your dad is epic for quoting Anchorman. And you are a dumbass for saying a quote from a movie is a meme. By the way, you deserved it.
lonewolf621 17
Atleast he has a good sense of humor haha