Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He raised an eyebrow and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it was. He just paused, turned to look me in the eye, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML
Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my family in which a character said "Fuck you, dad." My dad then slapped me over the head to get my attention and said, "Never talk to your father like that." Okay, dad. FML
Today, my boyfriend crossed a line with his bullshit "jokes". At dinner, he once again annoyed my dad by insisting that the "AR" in "AR-15" means "assault rifle". My dad is an NRA gun nut, so he finally blew up and told him that he was going to "AR his nuts if he didn't quit fucking with him." FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML
Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML
Today, whenever my dad says something and I (genuinely) don't hear him, he repeats it in an extremely slow and condescending manner. My family says I should "get a sense of humor" because I'm rightfully pissed about this. FML
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Top comments
cherries62212 16
well... that escalated quickly...
JellyBalls 18
Respect your parents.
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Comments (185)
Spark_Slicker 19
He can be my dad if you don't want him anymore.
dodzin 9
Your dad is awesome. And you are an impatient bitch
naiveprophet 15
Ohhh how I love hearing bratty children talk to their parents like that. /sarcasm
CRC_101 31
Well, thank goodness my siblings aren't like this, or they would have murdered me long ago!
ni0ve 9
slow cap
sulitak 27
you totally set him up for that one YDI
nygyrfan 10
It's not that bad. Not FML worthy
beehardxcore 26
Give that man a medal!
aikhan 16
Respect your dad. What the hell is wrong with you he's your father. Give him respect he will give you respect. He will listen to you, just change your attitude he would do whatever you'll tell him to do.
iloveshim 14
Anchorman!!! Love that movie