Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML
Today, I heard something that sounded like a series of gunshots outside my house. My Dad screamed, "Get down!" at the top of his lungs. The whole family immediately dropped to the floor, my sister whimpering and trembling, only moments later to hear my Dad cackling uncontrollably over us. They were just fireworks. FML
Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML
Today, I farted so loudly in bed and I woke up my husband. Startled, he thought that someone was entered in our room and fired a shot. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
Today, I witnessed my dad wake himself from a nap with his own fart and start panicking in confusion. I guess I shouldn't have broken down laughing, because he demanded to know what I did to him. He didn't believe the truth and bitched me out for screwing around. FML
Today, I saw a gun on my dad's bedside table. I knew it wasn't real, so I picked it up and posed like a badass. Then I shot a hole in their bedroom TV, blew out my eardrums, and my mom flew in and started screaming at me. FML
Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML
Today, my son dropped a firecracker in my flour storage bin, probably thinking the pop would make flour go everywhere. I guess he’s never heard of a dust explosion because what he actually did was set fire to the flour, causing such a violent shockwave it blew the kitchen window out of the wall. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
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Top comments
Essentials 0
Perhaps you should listen to your father in the future eh? Next time he might stick it somewhere else.
AshleyRose784 0
wow, your dad is officially nuts
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Comments (160)
JBiss1889 0
moderated this lol love it:)
Turnip_Girl 0
My father and sister woke me up one New Year's Day by firing a party popper at me. I was picking streamers out of my duvet for months.
leoofbodom 0
your dads mint
SimpleSimon 0
Your dad obviously knows the rules of life well. You never make a threat you aren't fully willing and able to carry out. He gets my vote!
hecuva 0
I second #15... your dad is a BAMF and is true to his word
xHaniffax 0
omg your dad is awesome!
theapplekid 0
I would do the same
SusanaSaysRawrxD 0
Sounds like something my uncle would do xD my cousin actually just dropped a firecracker on her brother's toe. it's really messed up. looks so painful :3 FYL. although your dad sounds pretty cool.
Bud_fml 16
Dude I love the smell of fireworks and gunpowder and that stuff, I'd totally be OK with that...cept the whole waking-up-because-of-an-explosion part
jethockey 0
At least you have a dad.