Today, in honor of America's birthday, my 50-year-old father decided to light off homemade bombs without telling anyone. The screams of me and my family members were louder than the bombs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my idiot redneck next door neighbor decided to throw an empty whipped cream spray can into a fire to watch it explode and scare half the neighborhood. That idiot redneck next door neighbor is also my 65 year-old dad. FML
Today, my dad woke me up by shaking me and saying "If you're not up in two minutes, I'm lighting a firecracker in your room." Thinking he wouldn't possibly set off a firecracker in the house, much less my room, I decided to call his bluff. My room still smells like gunpowder. FML
Today, I heard something that sounded like a series of gunshots outside my house. My Dad screamed, "Get down!" at the top of his lungs. The whole family immediately dropped to the floor, my sister whimpering and trembling, only moments later to hear my Dad cackling uncontrollably over us. They were just fireworks. FML
Today, my dad thought it would be OK to make sound effects for everything he did, in a public park, with me tagging along behind. FML
Today, I found out that you can give your grandpa a Vietnam flashback when you set off a leftover firecracker from New Years. I also found out that a 76 year old hits pretty fucking hard when freaking out. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML
Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box, "Face this side towards crowd for the best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on its side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML
Today, my son dropped a firecracker in my flour storage bin, probably thinking the pop would make flour go everywhere. I guess he’s never heard of a dust explosion because what he actually did was set fire to the flour, causing such a violent shockwave it blew the kitchen window out of the wall. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
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Top comments
cheyluvsturtles 30
just be glad you still have a house. I am guessing he was to cheap to buy normal fireworks.
christophbak 14
Atleast no one got hurt... I hope
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Comments (37)
christophbak 14
Atleast no one got hurt... I hope
slingerslasher 24
The Central Park accident was supposedly caused by a homemade bomb, right?
cheyluvsturtles 30
just be glad you still have a house. I am guessing he was to cheap to buy normal fireworks.
dietcoke09 25
Funny story- once my grandfather decided to put a grenade next to a firework (the one that just shot up in the air and popped silver flares). Anyways, the grenade went off and the firework fell over and burned me on my butt. (I was 10 maybe??) Surprisingly this happened in the south. Who would have guessed. I stay in on the 4th now. Try to not let it ruin your future independence days!
fariss 14
**** is you saying , incest boy?
XCanadianBloodX 6
I'd like to know how your grandpa got ahold of a live grenade
Dale_shackleford 13
I'm skeptical that it was a real grenade. There isn't really any way to get them unless you somehow steal them from the military or maybe smuggle them in, but that's a stretch. Also the fragmentation would have enough range to seriously injure you if you were close enough for the firework to hit you.
NebraskanHusker 5
If you were close enough the firework could burn you the grenade fragments would have killed you
SpyroMello 29
I don't see how this is a funny story. Getting burned by a firework is awful and can leave scars, and I'm not sure how your grandpa could get ahold of a grenade. Those explode powerfully and wouldn't just knock the firework over but more or less fling it somewhere else as well as damage other objects nearby. I find this story as truthful as a tumblr story. Sorry you stay indoors and were injured.
BoxFullOfLazy 25
I think it must have been one of those paper grenades that you get at a fireworks stand. Kinda like the paper tanks. It went off first and knocked over the fountain firework, which then shot out and burned her. Either way, not a funny story. I've had mortar wars and Roman candle fights and such since I was 8 years old. If you're so bothered by something that trivial, then yes, you probably should stay inside and let the rest of us have fun.
FueledByFate 24
One word "'MERICA"!
PerriX 5
Surprised the police werent called
theearliest 13
I can imagine your neighbours might of thought that it was a different kind of bombing. ;)
MilkyWay95 13
holy hell...at least they weren't quarter sticks of dynamite.
SauceySarah 30
Dads will be dads, am I right?
Mowmee 14
Hopefully no one got hurt!
Newguy123 6
I like how he started with America birthday for independence day. I see genes pass down well in your family.
gracehi 33
Well, that's what Independence Day is, in a way. People often call Philadelphia "the birth place of America" because that's where the Declaration of Independence was signed, so it makes sense that the day the Declaration of Independence was signed would be the birthday of America. And yeah, people often call Independence Day America's birthday in a tongue in cheek sort of way, which is appropriate for FML since it's a humor site.
Newguy123 6
Im guessing you mean the united states birthday. Because there is a north and south America. Since canada, mexico, and United states make up North America but july 4th means nothing to the other 2. Aaaaand just because they signed the Declaration of Independence was sign doesn't mean that that was when united states were created. Know your history.
yerawizardlizzy 27
Dude, you're an idiot.
gracehi 33
Everyone knows what is meant when someone simply says "America." Don't be a snot. And do you even know what the significance of the Declaration of Independence is? That's when our founding fathers declared that the thirteen colonies were no longer British colonies but an independent nation. Seeing as how that event did result in the United States becoming an independent nation, there really is no better event to mark the creation of the US. Take your own advice and learn your history.